Ugh, sorry. I really need to vent.

I know... you don't have to tell me that to realize that, as I already considered that when I first typed it but I felt that it wasn't too big of a deal. Not only that, but people don't understand and I know she doesn't mind if I elaborate a little so some people could understand, as I understand where she's coming from and repeating the same pointless thing over and over isn't going to help, if it is obvious to her already. I'm not trying to control it. I was also kinda pissed/ranting yesterday on that post because I realized a lot of her friends don't seem to care or understand it and nobody was there to be with her or anything because of that and I just wanted to help her but I can't because of distance issues.

 

Today brett went with me to the store to buy a pregnancy test.
the woman behind the counter said "please tell me this is for someone else."
and brett kept saying "IT WASNT ME!!"

 

Well that was helpful of him.

Sorry, you do not have friends that are more supportive.

When you can’t count on your friends, sometimes the best place to turn is to strangers. Have you tried calling a domestic violence organization for help. Even though he does not live with you they can still be of some help. Their has to be some group where you live that can be a support for you. Even if you do not want them to do anything, having them as a support can be a big help. You will also get to talk to others who are in similar situations so you don’t feel like you are all alone.

 

i tried calling a rape crisis hotline on my home phone while i was on my cell with brett. it took me forever to dial the number, and then once i called it said "press one to talk to a counselor" then it took me forever to press one. then the woman said "something something rape crisis blah blah" and i kept going "hi... umm.. yes.. umm... umm" and my voice started to quiver or w/e cuz i started to cry, and she asked me if i was ok...and brett said "i need to tell someone about what happened with my boyfriend" and then i told her what he told me to say and she said "ok. let me connect you to our conselors" and while it was connecting i hung up...

 

Unbelievable! I can see why you are so frustrated. I likely would have hung up as well. You should tell us what “hotline” you called so we can all send them hate mail!

Anyway, another idea I thought of was to check and see if your state allows you to get counseling without parental consent.(I am assuming you are somewhere in the US) Most states do and have a special fund to pay for it so, you don’t need insurance. You could also look into local support groups. they are anonymous and free. You can usually get that info from your local mental health clinic or Mental Health Association. These groups are not connected to the clinic in any way. It can be any kind of group. Ask first, if there are any “trauma survivor support groups”. If not, then just ask about “peer support groups”. They should have a list of all of them. Again, all these groups are either anonymous or don’t check your ID.

Aside from all of that you could also look into any youth group, school activity anything to get involved with so this does not run your life anymore. (Just sort of thinking out loud here) It just seems to me that the sooner you return to some sense of “normalcy” and surround yourself with positive, supportive people the better.

 

I called the HOPE hotline which is part of the RAINN hotline...
And err I broke up with nick awhile ago. He had called me apparently to break up with me. or so he said after i had already broken up with him. but a part of me feels he was just lying so he wouldnt look so foolish. During the conversation he said he had cheated on me with his crackwhore friend, and that he had done drugs while dating me, even though he promised he wouldnt. He also found out i knew what he did to me that night, and he told me all he did was what i knew he had done. But i feel hes lying, as he was telling me "well, i had asked you if you were awake and you went mhmm so i kept doing it" but before when i was pretending i was still out of it, he had said "you told me to do that to you. you talk a lot in your sleep" blah blah...
I told him hes an asshole, a jackass, an asswipe ,that i want to cut off his penis with a butterknife, that hes a horrible person, mentally unstable, a jackass again, that im going to shove a broom stick up his ass, etc... etc....
Then he said something along the lines of
"Well. i just dont understand why you hate me so much. why do you think im such an asshole"
asshole.
i told him i was going to tell my parents what he did to me, but then he said if im going to do that then eh.. he was going to tell them something... that i dont want them to know and that ive only told 3 people in my entire life.
Asshole. he cheated on me. asshole... im just more offended that it was with the ugly crackwhore than anything else. asshole. then he molests me. asshole. asshole. asshole. asshole.
he told me if i told them then hed get kicked out of MTI (technical institute he goes to) and id majorly screw up his life or w/e. and i asked him why that would happen to him, if it was illegal.
"technically it is illegal. and the way youre making it sound it is. i could go to jail"
..............................
asshole.

i told him i had wished death upon him.
asshole.
then he denied that he told me he ever sold child porn. it was mildly entertaining as he was trying to sound so shocked and as if someone had lied to me and told me all of this.

 

If I lived closer to you, I would gladly cut off his penis with a rusty chainsaw, boil it, and allow you to shove it down his throat until he chokes to death.

I hope you can get through this okay, and start getting a new life together, without him in it.

 

I'm so glad shelly.... haha... rich is probably pissed too. haha... 'twas fun getting to tell him my last regards as well... lmfao.... that asshole. I want to get back at him for his death threats.

 

Glad to hear that you are free of that guy. It sounds like he is not going to be stalking you either. You also finally got things off your chest so, they do not own you anymore. Now you can move on to healing. Don’t put too much stock in the crap he was spuewing. If he is in MIT he has a lot to loose.

You were very brave and should be proud of yourself !

How you want to handle things from here is up to you. Right now I am just glad you are safe.

 

MTI is different, I think. Heh... I don't think Nick is intelligent enough to get into MIT.

 

so you're not telling your parents because he said he'd tell them something you did that you don't want them to know.

So you think that if you tell your parents that this guy raped you, and he tells your littlte secret, they'll say, "oh I see. It's ok that you raped her then."

Be logical. I doubt they'll even believe him if they bother to listen to what he has to say. I imagine your father wouldn't be up for a lot of chit chat.

Tell them. Don't wait until you're pregnant or have an STD. Because then it's even harder.

Trust me. I've been there. Tell them.

 

Hey guys. I took the pregnancy test and the results were negative.

just thought id let you all know

 

Good. Having a baby would not be good. Don't fuck anymore.

 

That's wonderful! That would be so hard to be fifteen and pregnant. I was sixteen, and it was monsterous...

Please, please, please though. You aren't out of the woods yet. Please consider having a friend of yours who drives take you to have you checked out at a Planned Parenthood clinic. Most cities have one not too far away. It's not just for pregnancy! They can test you for STDs, and unless things have changed from when I was younger, they won't tell your folks.

PLUS, you can get condoms for free, which are always a good thing to have handy...