You're not alone here. This is the basic dilemma of the human condition. You want to be in the driver's seat. You want to turn the car left when YOU want to turn left. If i could only have control over every aspect of my life then i would be free. Right? Wrong. This is the mind. Freedom is about losing ALL control. Even this very moment. This is precisely why you're dealing with all this tension and fear right now, you even said it yourself, you feel as though you have too much control over your life. Something is being scooped out from beneath your feet and it frightens you. It's almost like an earthquake. But remain calm because it's all good man. Existence is just yanking your IDEA of control over life that you never even had in the first place. This is quite a paradox, or a shocker in my opinion, because it's not even that you're letting go your control over your existence but rather you've NEVER been in control the entire time. You've just been under the impression that you have been. So really you don't lose control you just lose the idea of control...if that makes sense.
Wow dude.. I am absolutely blown away by your advice china cat. You obviously have an idea of whats going on with me more than I do even. You understand my situation, and my perspective. I am going to use your advice the best I can, and you have satisfied all my reasoning for making this thread. It is true though, losing my ego is my worst fear, and that is coming back again and again to haunt me. I have a much better understanding about myself now, perhaps still have much more to learn, but china you have helped pave my essential life path and I have bundles of appreciation for you
Just feel the fear. There's no technique for it. Just look at it as an epic phase of your life. You always are where you are. Personally, i like the idea that this even extends to past and future lives. The idea of karma carrying over. You always are where you need to be and you always have to face what you have to face until you face it
Yeah I don't know I can understand it as much as I want, but when I start losing control I just naturally start getting more and more fear to an endless extent. But fuck fear. I need to make fear my bitch.
I've seen you mention this elsewhere I think, I hope you know that LSD has no effect on your spinal cord whatsoever? In fact no known psychedelic does, afaik. That is an urban myth. Yeah as prone said you are quite batty right now dude. This happens, if you haven't noticed. People come on here to post a trip report and talk about how now they have all these amazing powers and now they understand they are so important and must lead the revolution and are jesus christ incarnate etc etc . . . it's all just some good ol' post-trip psychosis. Happens to all of us. You can't even be in the same room as someone playing a video game with zombies? You know, that's past fear dude. That is sheer terror. You are terrified of death. You can now foster this fear and let is sink deeper into your foundation and wider into your mind, or you can attack the problem head on and watch it burst like a bubble. You should take 6g of mushrooms in a graveyard at night, alone. With the attitude of "I will embrace death as I embrace life, when I emerge from this experience." And you will endeavor to be strong and true, remembering that you are the holiest of holies, the universe made incarnate and conscious. You are the death that you fear. Plunge your ego into the fire of the tryptamine, and don't be content until all you know is flame. Until you're ready for that kind of commitment, you're going to be getting panic attacks around video games. It's just that simple. Oh and I don't think it was your trip that screwed you up this way with death, you had issues with death deep inside and your trip only got you halfway to fixing them; it brought them to the surface. Now you must do work.
Thanks dude, words of wisdom from the writer finally in all his glory. I think I am slowley coming to my terms with death. It has always been my only real fear, and I am going to do my best to accept it now. Just like everything, death is a part of me. I cannot get around that fact. I just hate thinking about death. Just using it in my sentence right here, is making me feel sick. I just love life so fuckin much that death goes against everything that I love. Death is the opposite of love. When I am trying to overcome these death trips, I just think about love, and that is always the only way out. About telling me to do shrooms in the graveyard. Ya like I said before I really am not trying to do more psyches. I feel like I have had enough crazy mind expansion, and tbh I really don't want to explore my mind any more. I just wanna hang out with people and live life the "normal" way. And yes, ever since my shroom trip I have been a completely different person that is a fact. I am freaking out all of my friends. Also about the spinal chord thing, well mabey its a myth but I still hit my head/spine really hard :/ It is really depressing that I will be so much different now, its like my thoughts are out of control. I try to look at the positives in life so I should just embrace the change.
pay no attention to me...im just jokin around and playin with the imagery the term evokes in my mind. ...im reminded of this human powered carnival called brimentown i found myself at a few years ago. lots of booze, crusty anarchist kids, and rickety makeshift wooden rides. complete with electic fence limbo and a mystery tattoo parlor. by the end of the night the teeter totter was on fire and being riden with a fury till its collapse, whist an 80's cover band played tears for fears in the background. ...good times at the demented carnival...bit of a rough morning though. as far as your post trip is concerned...hang in there and soon enough you'll be able to look back on this time like any other chapter of your life. with the clearity and wisdom of hindsight. your always changing and growing. these rough spells tend to serve as positive catalysts in the long run.
