Was I raped? Or just toally used?

Damn, people sure are quick to jump to conclusions....

For everyone calling this guy an asshole, I ask you this: If both of these two kids were intoxicated and she came on to him and he just went along with it, is that rape? There's just too many "ifs" involved with complicated stuff like this; there's so many variables that would change the answer.

I mean, if your passed out on the bed and this super drunk guy stumbles in and takes advantage of the situation; I'd call that rape. If your drunk beyond belief and this guys sober and manipulates the situation; I'd call that rape. But if both of you were drunk beyond belief, then it's just unfortunate that it wasn't something you really wanted to do.

To the orginal poster: I'm really sorry this happened to you and I agree with fleasy's post above; your best bet is to talk to the guy and try and figure out what really happened. Hopefully you're good at reading people and will be able to discern the truth.

 

if you were coherent(you were talking/moving/participating) when it happened then you were NOT raped. Y a you got used but also you allowed yourself to be used. It sucks and I know the feeling. If you were passed out to the point where you were a vegetable and the guy fucked you than you were raped.**** might i suggest not drinking so much***?!

 

I would think that if your friend was a true friend...he would have offered just a LITTLE protection for you, realizing you were tanked. Maybe telling his roomate to lay off you, you're drunk and obviously didn't know what you were doing.

 

Midnighttoker, let me begin by saying that what happened to you was wrong. Were you to go back and confront this guy you woke up with about the incident, and he was honest with you (I guess this is the point where we have just left reality, but bear with me), he might very well tell you that he feels terrible about it. However, the chances of his being honest are very, very slim. Fear, not pride nor "piggishness" is what will most likely keep him from being so honest. It is the fear of gaining a reputation as a pig or worse a rapist, though in truth, after the event he has become just that. He knows his fears are justified. He knows he's done a very bad thing and that it will follow him for the rest of his life, even if only in his mind. He knows how unlikely it is that he will be forgiven for his transgression, and that even if you were to tell him that you forgave him (which I really doubt you feel like doing, nor should you feel any obligation to), any other woman who found out wouldn't be very likely to let it go so easily. His reputation and his entire future now hang by a thread, ready to crash down on him like the fabled sword of Damoclese.

People often do things that they regret when under the influence of alcohol. The moral inhibitions of one's upbringing can become flimsy and out of focus, brushed away by the raging hormone driven libido of youth as easily and with as little thought as so many cobwebs in the dark. This isn't an excuse for any man (or boy), as much as they often wish it could be the next morning. But it is a well known fact that alcohol impairs judgement. It is also a matter of environment. Place a bunch of college age co-eds in close proximity, with alcohol to fuel the fire, and the mere possibility of sexual contact immediately grows into an invisible but highly charismatic character, moving about the party, just waiting to strike at any moment. Sexual tension runs high and alcohol only serves to increase the desire to relieve it. The whole situation is a bomb just waiting to go off.

It is obvious that he is to blame for this. His moral fiber was tested and he failed. His desire for release of the pent up sexual desires of the evening, coupled by alcohol intake led him into a trap. You didn't construct this trap, nor did he - at least not by yourselves. EVERYONE who was involved helped construct the trap. Every person at that party was an unwitting engineer to this tragic event. You were reduced to the status of "bait." He was reduced to the status of a starving animal. He might have seen the signs of the trap. Warnings may have gone off in his head, but the lure of the bait proved too much for him to handle. An older, wiser animal, who was starving just as much might have been able to resist the bait. Many (I would hope, most) have the strength to avoid the traps, and for that they get to remain "human" - they acted as they should have, avoiding the trap is the norm; it is what is expected. He lacked that wisdom, lacked that strength of character which might have allowed his instict for survival to overcome his ravenous hunger, but he didn't, and he has only himself to blame.

Make no mistake, you were victimized by him, however, both you and he are his victims.

My own brother had this experience some 15 years ago and it still haunts him. As in your case, she never said 'no' or protested, she was concious and very drunk, as was he. He confessed it to me during his bachelor party (8 years ago), when the two of us were alone (alcohol can also make confession easier - again by lowering inhibitions) - he cried on my shoulder like a child. I can't say I don't feel sorry for him (I didn't know the girl), he is, after all, my brother. But I also know that what he did was wrong. He says that he never spoke to her again, after that night, but that whenever he saw her, the feelings of guilt were terrible. I can only assume that he still feels it. Both he and his victim have scars from that night. Both regret it. But, because it was he who failed the test and acted, it will be he who carries the greater burden of guilt.

 

For all we know she told the guy to fuck her brains out. She said she cant remember, dont drink heavily if you cant take on the responsibility that comes with it.

 

Legally speaking, you were raped.

 

I might be wrong here (different country and all and not really into law theories) but isn't rape when someone penetrates you against your will? That is.. against your wishes at that specific time? It isn't clear to even her what she said or did at the time the guy penetrated her.. so why is it so clear to you that legally speaking, she was raped?

Ethics is a whole other discussion here.. the guy should probably have picked up that she wasn't really in her right mind and therefor he should've been a gentlemen and put her under a nice warm blanket.

But purely law-technically speaking, I don't think it can be seen as rape, unless she resisted and/or was forced to have sex with him or was unconcious at the given time.

Whatcha think?

 

Ok, this happened two weeks ago, and since then, I have called Paul the roomate I met at my friends who had invited me over for his little party. And I told him that night I was so drunk I didn't know what I was doing and I didn't even know his roomates name, and I was pissed off his roomate did that when I was obviously fuck up b/c I had puked for like an hour and then I layed down and all I wanted to do was sleep not fuck. I also asked if he came in me b/c I need to know that info. He talked to his roomie then called me back and said "we were lying by eachother, then were holding eachother and started kissing (which I think is gross since I had been throwing up) and that what I think happened didn't happen." So he lied and didn't have the courage to get on the phone himself and say ANYTHING. So yeah he's an ass hole. Since then I have not been to that house. I watch what I drink much more closly, no more vast amounts of hard liquer (like vodka, and crown royal which I drank that night of the incident), also yes I went to the Dr and got tested for everything. I will hear results in two weeks. I don't have to worry about pregnancy because I'm on birth control. And yes from now I will be more careful, very much so more careful. I don't want this to ever happen to me again.

 

and I do have proof that I had sex with him b/c my friend Stephani watched us, I had just become friends with her this summer and for some reason she thought I wanted to have sex with the dude. I was mad at her and told she shouldve stopped it and she was offended because she was holding back my hair and beside me while I was vomiting. I told my best friend since 8th grade about it, and she said Stephani just doesn't know me that well and doesn't understand I wouldn't do that and if she were there she definatly wouldn't have let it happen. So, there you have it.

 

Look at what you're saying though. You can't rely on other people to save you from something if you're participating. What you're doing is saying that you were so drunk that you had to rely on other people to come to your rescue, when THEY were tanked too. That's what happens at parties and shit. If things like this are gonna happen, be a lot more careful that you don't end up in bed with someone that you dont want to be.

 

I am totally against rape and the abuse of & taking-advantage-of women. However, it sounds as though you "might" have consented to and been willing to have sex with this guy . . . and sent signs to the guy that having sex was ok . . . but that you were so out-of-it that you can't remember. Possibly, only after-the-fact have you objected to the sex. The bottom line is that you have no idea what happened. The guy in this situation might have been and might have acted like a jerk. Who knows? The guy might have been a criminal rapist by his actions toward you, but the facts cannot show this because you really don't know what happened. Of course, I'm all for "no means no," and for your right to change your mind at any instant, etc. And obviously I'm totally against date-rape drugs, etc. . . . but until you have any evidence that the guy raped you, I would not formally accuse him of rape. If you have any firm evidence of rape, including being-able-to-remember-what-happened, then I encourage you to do what you think is best for you, including the possibility of filing charges. Good luck.

 

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#1 - hands down, absolutely, in the eyes of the law THIS IS RAPE. the burden of responsibility is on the MALE in cases of intoxication, mainly because when a guy gets as drunk as a girl (ie, passed out) it's a tad bit harder to rape him. that coupled with the fact that generally, once guys get to a certain point of intoxication, they can't 'get it up' too well, is the reasoning behind this kind of law.

seriously, absolutely, no questions asked, if you were shit faced and he had sex with you, legally IT IS RAPE. it's the equivalent of having sex with a severely mentally retarded person - if you are not mentally capable of giving consent, then it is rape.

#2 - don't feel bad for this. you should not feel ashamed or guilty. if you were throwing up and near or at total incapacitation, i doubt you were in too much of a position to do anything but agree with what was going on.

#3 - i hope you can move on from this sweety! it sucks, a lot. hopefully all your tests and everything will come out ok, and you can start putting it all behind you. unfortunately we have to just learn from these things and take what we can from them.

good luck, pm me if you ever want to talk!

 

That's nowhere near fair.


I'm so sick of "reverse-discrimination". I'm absolutely in favor of equal rights for women but equal rights for women does NOT mean that men should by proxy be inferior and subject to all possible punishment

 

you're a guy right? answer something for me.

imagine you are so drunk that you've been puking for hours and have gone in and out of conciousness. could you get it up and have sex AND have an orgasm?

edit: let me make my point a little clearer.

it is damn near physically impossible for a male to perform in this state, and THAT is why it is considered the male's responsiblity - if the girl is passed out and throwing up, and he's sober enough to get it up, responsibility should be taken.

this law does NOT cover mild drinking. it refers to EXTREME INTOXICATION, as in what was desrcibed here - vomiting, loss of consciousness, etc. this law does not make it so that every little girl can claim rape after she has a couple of margaritas and gets too flirtatious. this is about INCAPACITATION and an inability to give consent.

 

she says she was drunk and cannot control herself. if he was drunk, he could not control himself. no rape.


lesson - don't drink.

 

No I am not.

Refering to the post above me: I dont say don't drink. Drink RESPONSIBLY.

 

about 80% of crime is alcohol related.

 

Well its BOTH your faults. If I ever got drunk with a girl, and we did have sex, and in the morning she denied it, and tried me for rape, i would throw it back in her face, or slap the shit out of her around the fukin street.. Girls think they can get away with that, but guys can and will defend over this ever growing rape concept. FLAT OUT, it's BOTH YOUR FAULTS, it happended, you let it happen, who knows, you could hav raped him, you can't say you didn't, so that's all im saying about this subject. grow up, and don't get drunk around people you dont know.

 

RAPE, crim. law. The carnal knowledge of a woman by a man forcibly and unlawfully against her will. In order to ascertain precisely the nature of this offence, this definition will be analysed.

2. Much difficulty has arisen in defining the meaning of carnal knowledge, and different opinions have been entertained some judges having supposed that penetration alone is sufficient, while other's deemed emission as an essential ingredient in the crime. But in modern times the better opinion seems to be that both penetration and emission are necessary. It is, however, to be remarked, that very slight evidence may be sufficient to induce a jury to believe there was emission.

3. By the term man in this definition is meant a male of the human species, of the age of fourteen years and upwards; for an infant, under fourteen years, is supposed by law incapable of committing this offence.But not only can an infant under fourteen years, if of sufficient mischievous discretion, but even a woman may be guilty as principals in the second degree. And the husband of a woman may be a principal in the second degree of a rape committed upon his wife, as where he held her while his servant committed the rape.

4. The knowledge of the woman's person must be forcibly and against her will; and if her consent has not been voluntarily and freely given, (when she has the power to consent,) the offence will be complete, nor will any subsequent acquiescence on her part do away the guilt of the ravisher. A consent obtained from a woman by actual violence, by duress or threats of murder, or by the administration of stupefying drugs, is not such a consent as will shield the offender, nor turn his crime into adultery or fornication.

5. The matrimonial consent of the wife cannot be retracted, and, therefore, her husband cannot be guilty of a rape on her as his act is not unlawful. But, as already observed, he may be guilty as principal in the second degree.

6. As a child under ten years of age is incapable in law to give her consent, it follows, that the offence may be committed on such a child whether she consent or not





BTW, Number 5 is scary!