Was I sexually assaulted?

i've done that lots, too, sweets. what's funny is women thinking it's okay to grope strange women and accost them in bathroom stalls to make out with them. it's happened to me twice. i thought once (in high school) was bizarre enough. i'm not outrageously sexy, either. just a freaky coincidence i guess. i don't mind my friends groping me and such, but strangers? not so okay.

 

FireFlyinTheDark: I think that experience is something normal for children of that age, a childish self-discovery thing, curiosity, nothing necessarily wrong... At that age, children surmount their Oedipus complex according to Freud's theory, meaning that children switch from the first love object - the opposite sex parent - to peers...

 

Oh my God, coaches felt you up? You should have them fired, dirty assholes. When someone does something to you you're not comfortable with, slap them. Some men tend to be stupid (or just not care when a girl isn't willing) and think that if you don't say no you're saying yes.

Uh DERRRR. Grow some brains, men. And some respect.

 

i think at that age, it is more innocent exploration. who isnt curious about that stuff?

i never did it when iw as a kid, but i know many friends that have. its normal. not weird at all. if you didnt feel weird about it til ppl said you should, then it wasnt assault. anything against your will is assault. if you had no inkling to say no at the time, it was just childish exploration.

 

yea i mean looking back i know it was wrong but yea i dono i guess i tried not to think about it ahh

 

Geez, if you would've just told me no...
Really, though, people like that. I think the best way to not let them affect you consciously or subconsciously is to remember they're basically degraded humans that belong categorized with animals. No different than a dog sniffing your crotch. They should be locked up like rabid animals, too.

 

Don't let other people tell you if you were sexually assaulted. It really comes down to "Do YOU think you were sexually assaulted?"

If the guy had held you down and done this against your will and you were messed up to this day, it would be a different story. But you are fine.

 

It doesn't sound to me like you've been.


But I'm always curious about these experiences women have (it seems like a particularly feminine experience) of hovering somewhere in-between liking and not liking men's overtures.

It's just odd to me. Must be some kind of evolutionary wisdom or another beyond explaining.

 

i think it comes down to sexual compatibility. i've been groped harmlessly by some damned fine looking men. but it was kinda icky, because i just wasn't at all attracted to them. but i didn't get mad or grossed out, because their intentions weren't bad. it was just a sort of compliment among acquaintances.

 

It doesn't sound to me like you have been either. I mean it wasn't unwanted and you even said you liked it and didn't mind. Then again you were a child so that kinda blurs things a bit, even with him being a child at the time too.

 

Fine-looking and unattractive?

 

Yeah being made the victim has to be better then being made the perp.

 

yup. exactly what i said. they were very physically fine specimens who were/are completely physically unattractive to me. didn't even feel the mildest tingle of interest. therefore, fine-looking and unattractive.

 

yeah, some innocent kid doing what comes naturally.

 

Uh, no, if it didn't freak, you, then I guess you're OK.

BUT, I would just like to add that I don't think the school overreacted. I want my kids to be safe from little (and big) perverts at school. The school damn well better protect my kids from anyone that wants to try to grope them at school.

And you liked it and that's okay...but some people can't say no, because of previous abuse, because they're afraid, because of an insecure and submissive personality. And some gropers aren't just kids exploring. Some gropers have been abused and now they're acting out. That's why both kids need to be talked to.

School needs to be a safe place. Even for kids who can't, for whatever reason, speak up.

 

I never thought of it that way before, so I can understand that, but I just hope they didn't outright treat him like a predator...

 

Hi FireFlyintheDark!
I agree that they seemed to have blown it all out of proportion!
I know that i experimented when i was young too!
And this boy was the same age ... 6???
He just realised that it felt good and wanted some more ... harmless!
...
An important question is: how do u feel when you think about it?
Do u feel violated? or ashamed etc?
I do not think so, reading your 1st message ....
...
I think if it was an older boy or an adult ... then, yes, sexual abuse because they should know better than to do those acts with a girl of that age who does not fully understand what is being done to them ... but, 2 young kids exploring themselves ...
no way ...

i can see you have had a lot of reply posts and i hope you have found a resolution in them solmewhere. Also, i hope i have been helpful!

 

I don't feel violated and, like I said, the only time I even feel remotely weird about it is when people are telling me it's weird, wrong, etc. My biggest thing is that people won't understand and think I'm a deviant or something that I was into those things so young in life.
"Into them"? Seriously, it's not like I was stripping and watching porn... I don't know. It's not me, I think. It's others making me paranoid.

 

"When I was in first grade, one of my friends, a boy in my class, would feel me up under my skirt. It never seemed weird to me, and I actually quite enjoyed it, so I never told him to stop."

honey the concept of "sexual assault" depends on whether or not you enjoy it.

for instance if you're walking down the street and some ugly old man grabs your breasts, and you don't like it, my gosh that's sexual assault!

but if you're walking down the street and a different, very attractive man grabs your breasts, and you like it, then that is not sexual assault.

if a man flirts with you, and you don't find him attractive, then you sue him for sexual assault and make some cash.

if a man flirts with you, but you like him, then you let him take you out to dinner and buy you a free meal.

so no honey, he did not sexually assault you, because you enjoyed it. now, had he been an ugly little fat boy who you didn't like, then it would have been sexual assault.

remember, there is no legal definition of sexual assault. only you, the woman, can decide.

 

it used to drive me fucking crazy when these women i worked with would wear very provocative clothes and then get pissed when a guy flirted with them or stared down their low cut blouses.

does anyone have a link to that SNL skit with that quarterback about sexual harassment in the work place? the whole thing is so freaking hilarious. the basic premiss is that you pretty much get away with anything if you're good looking. having a really good looking and popular older brother who treated women like garbage really opens your eyes to how gullible women can be and the double standards we frequently have.