Well, fuck!

yes he messed up he knows that but that doesn't mean they have to get married. Sure in an ideal world it would happen. But why put yourself and the rest of the family in a situation where no one is truly happy because he was 'forced' to marry her? You should get married because you are in love not because you think you have to. Are you saying Measa is a bad guy because he didn't propose to me the minute I said I was pregnant? I would not want him to marry me if he wasn't truly happy and love me. As long as Death is willing to take responsibility for his actions then he is ok in my book. As his original comment appears to me he is upset that his baby momma doesn't want him to be a part of his kids life. He seems to want to and seems to only be upset that he feels he has to pay but can't see him/her. I find him to be a pretty good guy. Sure anger and hurt can make you say a lot of things you don't really mean. I've done it and I'm sure all of you have too. But I don't think its fair to be mad at him or anything else just because he didn't want to marry her

 

I do. I believe in following through on your committment. He never committed to her in marriage therefore I do not feel he should be obligated to marry her. By having sex with her he did commit to accept any consequences and responsibilities that come from that. Do I think he should play a very active role in his childs life? Yes. Do I believe he should do everything he can to help support that child? Yes. Do I believe any of this involves or should have anything to do with marriage? No. You used the phrase, "make it an honest situation". Marrying somebody because you feel you have to is about as dishonest a situation as any. That's complete bullshit. Like I said, you marry somebody because you know you'll spend the rest of your life with them. There's no other excuse or reason to marry. Period.

As long as he takes care of his child and helps to raise it, then he has filled his obligation that he entered into when he had sex.

 

He should have thought about all of that before he took it out of his pants...and he doesn't want to marry her but is upset that he has to pay child support? makes no sense.

 

Let's see...

A woman has the Right/ability
to take the Morning after pill/have an abortion for the child
she does not want but he does.
This Right/ability exists as a result of it's her body (or is it Life?).
The man has no legal say whatsoever.

However he can be (and usually is) forced to pay child support for the child
she wants but he doesn't.

Where's the sense/fairness/equality?


Couple the above with spousal support/alimony - talk about a loaded deck..
Men you're prolly Better off not running the Risk - be gay instead of hetro!

 

It seems he is pissed that he has to pay child support and CAN'T SEE THE KID

 

he has the right to put it in or not also...

 

then he needs to educate himself and find out the state and federal laws and find a father's advocate rights group so he can get a no cost attorney instead of being pissed at a woman who feels stuck as a single mother.

 

he said he was mad about the $$$, I feel sorry for the baby.

 

Gimme a break.
No, I really didn't expect a reasonable response...

 

I believe she broke up with him- not to mention she is not 'stuck' she can always give it up for adoption. And unless he is unfit she has no right to not let him see the baby

 

And do what?

The Rights groups aren't looking for more Clients.
They're swamped because of the laws' unequal application/enforcement.
They're in dire needs of support ($$$$$$$$).

He can also forget about the Feds getting involved on his behalf/enforcing the UCCJA against a woman.

Already been down those Roads...

 

They're the ones paying the dearest price...

 

then he needs to contact the law and he should have covered his ass and I tried to break up with a guy for not marrying me when I thought I was pregnant and in my heart did and cheated on him because I had no respect left for him and yeah he should have thought about the best way to go about things before not marrying her and wanting the best of both worlds. cant have your cake and eat it too. mmmm cake....

 

exactly he's pissed abotu child support. He wanted to not have to marry her but not have to pay either and any decent and smart woman just doesn't let things work that way...yeah lets not have any future plans but let me have your baby and you just go off and be young and have fun with your boys and be not married while im big for 6 months and bedridden for one and we have no legal agreement in any form monetary or marraige...not smart.

 

why is it always the female the victim? It takes 2 to tango. So he didn't want to get married. Did he say EVER? Maybe he didn't want to marry for the sake of doing what is "right" Who knows if later on down the road he wouldn't have realized 'damn I do want to marry this girl' Just because he doesn't want to marry her doesn't mean he should have his rights taken away.

 

if he actually did father the baby, there's a little thing called a paternity test.
all i can say is, i was in a similar situation. i kept the baby, and we didn't get married. yes, he pays child support. it doesn't even quite pay for her daycare.
he can see her whenever he wants---which isn't much. but that's his choice.

and i don't think it's that he 'can't' see the baby. the mother has no right to say that. even if the man is not paying support, he still has the right to see his child, legally. if he doesn't stick up for his own rights, that's his own fault.

in another post he says visitation is 'stupid' and i think that's what he's driving at--he thinks that only seeing the child occaisonally is stupid and he doesn't want to do it. i'm not sure exactly what it is he wants, i guess for her not to be pregnant. but it's too late for that...

 

wouldn't you be pissed if you payed X amount of dollars for a child your not allowed to see??

 

EXACTLY men have it way too easy in this world and we as women (me one of them) have been far too naive and dumb to believe that there's still an existing honor code in society.

 

you would rather have a man marry you b/c he knocked you up instead of because he truly loved you and wanted to??

 

he's going to be allowed to see his child assuming he has not been violent and doesn't have a felony so I think he's being a drama queen and is pissed about the money or there's something he's not telling us about what happened in their relationship. I'm not accusing him of anything but you'd be so suprised the most 'non overmasculated' guys are usually the one's who would not have a right to see their child in the laws eyes. looking back at my situation if I didn't miscarry/ have a false positive whatever happened there I would make damn sure that that particular ex was never alone with my baby-ever and no one in the world would guess what that man is capable or shit even believe me...some people can play a really good game of apathy and as much as I got hurt I must admit it was satisfying to see him blow his cover as I knew all along it was the case.