What are you/have you been doing today?

icoulddie

 

Me no like tingle or heat. Heat is icky :S All oily and yucky ><

Dress is teh sexays

 

made friends with a girl going with to NY, she is a stripper a hot one, smart too. she's actually from NYC. I haven't been since I was 17!

I'm ahead in guitar class which is noiice but I know I'll learn tons.

paid my fucking neiman marcus card, they charged $50 for paying it late - fuck me. I shouldn't even think of shopping there I had a weak moment.

 

OK, so I'm like 'what is she talking about ... is she talking about what I think she is talking about ... and why does it look like this is a term that is quite common?'. Anyway, so the old man chucks it in google and this comes up. It's long and crude, but there are a few chuckles:

The 57 Axioms of Sexual Intercourse, as Evidenced in Porn

1. Women wear high heels to bed.
2. Men are never impotent.
3. When “going down” on a woman, 10 seconds is more than satisfactory.
4. If a woman gets caught masturbating by a strange man, she will not scream with embarrassment; instead she will insist he has sex with her.
5. Women smile appreciatively when men splat them in the face with sperm.
6. Women are indifferent as to whether they get it in the mouth, in the vagina or up the ass.
7. Women enjoy having sex with ugly, middle-aged men.
8. Women moan uncontrollably when giving a blowjob.
9. WOMEN SCREAM AND GRAB THE MAN’S ASS CLOSER TOWARDS THEM, causing more moaning.
10. Women always orgasm when men do.
11. All women are noisy cummers; often they will announce when it is happening.
12. People in the 70’s couldn’t cum unless there was a wild guitar solo in the background.
13. Those tits are real. Period.
14. A common and enjoyable sexual practice for a man is to take his half-erect penis and slap it repeatedly on a woman’s ass. Or face. Spanking is also a turn-on.
15. Men always groan “OH YEAH!” when they cum.
16. Women don’t have the physical capability to spit out cum. They can only transfer it to another woman.
17. If there are two Men present, they will “high five” each other. (and the girl won’t be disgusted!)
18. Double penetration makes women smile.
19. Asian men don’t exist, but their chicks are HOTTTTTT!!!.
20. If you come across a guy and his girlfriend having sex in the bushes, the boyfriend won’t beat you to death if you shove your penis in his girlfriend’s mouth.
21. There’s never a plot.
22. When taking a woman from behind, a man can really excite her by giving her a gentle slap on the butt.
23. Nurses tend to suck patients’ cocks as an exam method.
24. Nuns are always wild and eager for sex.
25. Men always pull out, and can hold until the money shot.
26. When your girlfriend busts you getting head from her best friend, she’ll only be momentarily pissed off before joining both of you.
27. Women never have headaches... or periods.
28. When a woman is sucking off a man, it’s important for him to remind her to “suck it”, lest she forget what she is doing.
29. Anuses are perpetually clean.
30. Everyone’s penis is bigger than yours.
31. Women always look pleasantly surprised when they open a man’s trousers and find a penis there.
32. When standing during a blowjob, a man will always place one hand firmly on the back of the kneeling woman’s head and the other proudly on his hip.
33. A Penis joke is an appropriate lead-in to the so-called “nasty”.
34. Geeks never have to beg.
35. Every girl on the planet is bi
36. Mitt Romney starred in a psycho-galactic porno.
37. When women are having their last orgasm, it’s important to show a close-up of the man’s face for all of it.
38. Pubic hair is just a myth.
39. Men always wear watches
40. Starring in porn is the only time a women shouldn’t be restricted to the kitchen
41. The phrases: “oh yeah” or “yes” are said at least eleven times
42. Swearing is a constant
43. There’s never an awkward moment during sex (e.g. the man wouldn’t yell out “BEN AND JERRY’S ICE CREAM IS THE BEST!”)
44. Women are always ravishingly horny, to the point that they’re banging random visitors
45. Your friend’s mom has a huge crush on you and has caught you masturbating, only to go masturbate herself.
46. Only men with tattoos on their biceps can have sex.
47. If you offer them enough money, all women are willing to have sex.
48. There is no such thing as natural finger nails.
49. All stewardesses want ANY guys dick in any hole, ALL the time.
50. Feet, although infinitely disgusting, do turn some people on.
51. The only thing women think about during sex is the tasty cum they get to eat afterwards.
52. The only difference between Arabic women and Latinas is that Arabic women say ‘fuck you America!’
53. The man always decides on the position, no objections.
54. The men having sex in granny porn always seem to think, “I was promised a young girl!”
55. Women can have a orgasm by just taking off their clothes and by rubbing their hands on their skin.
56. Men never care if another guy has just cummed in there, every hole’s a goal.
57. If your penis is 7 inches or over in length pubic hair is no longer a problem.

Anyway ... One Love!

 

What?!


Im not sure I understand whats happening here Don...but some of those did make me lol

 

tonight im drinking tea and enjoying these new incense that i bought.

 

I haven't been doing shit. I finally have some days off after working almost nonstop for 2 months. Getting spliffted. Watching South Park.

Every hole's a goal. #56

 

oh. I read up to 19 and quit. thanks. I learn something new everyday. lol

 

drank good beer, drank bad beer, smoked good weed, eschewed bad weed, jammed, made a sammich. nothing to do tomorrow but what I want....

 

gotta produce my final term paper by the end of the day.

 

LMAO Don, wtf?

By the way, totally unrelated, today, I found out what "CrabCore" is. lolololololol I hate the kids of today.

 

Do tell your findings hdh

Today I has a tutorial, napped, and now I'm deciding between paper work and knitting more of the teddy

 

Well it appears to be something like screamo maybe? I don't know but it sounds awful. They call it Crabcore coz the bands dance like crabs when they play their instruments in videos





:smilielol5:

 

Rofl that looks ridiculous xD'emos'/scene kids or whatever they call themselves now just look ridiculous. Stupid hair, stupid flourecent colours, stupid trousers... I thought 'those' types of kids wore dark clothes not to be noticed, but nuuuu, fucking bright yellow shoes and hoodies with flourecnt colours. Fucks sake. Probably its their excuse to 'be themselves'... Well, yourselves look stupid. I was standing next to one of these kids yesterday in the post office, I assume she goes to my uni... So 18/19 year olds still wear that shit? Dude.

Rant over ^^

Headaches and stress ftw. Can't wait to get this freaking assessment over.

 

I went to a gig last year and the support band was a local one (I think) and their "followers" were dancing a little strangley with doing kinda like roundhouse kicks but crapper waaaay crapper I was like WTF are they doing, call that dancing, mabe it's the same kinda people ???

 

Stupid people

But if thats how they wanna dress/dance that's fine.. I'll still be laughing at them in my head.

Southpark and a beasty jacket potato are pwning my headache

 

Got accosted my my old man friend to go fix assorted TV's and computer related issues. Had dinner, drank tea, shit was good.

Also my rose plant is nearly dead because it wants watering about twice a fucking day! Little twat.

Also 1337th post, ! 4R3 73|-| 1337357 |-|4><0R!!!!!!!!!oneoneone

 

I don't understand geek speak.

 

fack you pypes ! 4R3 73H 1337357 !!!!one!!!elven!

I MADE ESPRESSO!
friend ben is in town, ben who cracked his head open on acid. he is a bit forgetful
it is real purty outside today.
I'm up for Austin Fashion week... woop. free clothes/booze!!

 

9YP35 15 73|-| 313370Rzz^2