What to do when I want sex but don't want a relationship?

My dad isn't the greatest person so I cut him out of my life.

I was pretty popular with the boys in high school but not with the girls outside of who I hung out with. The girls I went to school with were really mean and would spread rumors about me and such. My freshman year I started dating a senior who drove and all that good stuff that freshman girls like hah. He would pick me up for school and rumors started flying that I was spending the night with him everynight...I wasn't...obviously I was 13.

I was very tall and thin and athletic in high school. I won a lot of speech tournaments, academic decatholons and track meets. I remember in the morning I would cringe during announcements after a meet if I won. I hated being congratulated publicly because there was always some bitchy girl whispering things if I was mentioned. I remember freshman year getting nominated for homecoming princess and my date was nominated for homecoming king. I remember just standing there praying that neither of us won because I didn't want to get up in front of the girls in my grade.

I was really young because I skipped a grade and had a summer birthday. Being 13 and in high school was tough. I didn't know how to handle the social aspects of it. I looked so much older though because I was tall and my mom always took me to color my hair, I knew how to wear make-up and she bought me pretty expensive clothes for a high school kid.

Looking back on it now I know that jealousy played a part in the rumors and how girls acted. They acted like that to all of my friends too. At the time I thought that something was wrong with me. I thought that boys I would date were lying to people about things we did. I was so insecure and it took me so long to grow out of it.

I guess some of my issues could come from that. I mean if girls are calling you a hoe behind your back when you're a teenager it's tough and forms some opinions regarding societies attitudes towards sex.
wow I've never told anyone all of that before

 

That is a GREAT start. I'm proud of you. Also bear in mind that you may associate your father figure with men in general.

I know I suffer from some variation of an Oedipal complex, even though I'm aware of it. I recently been with someone much older than me, and I remember staring at her hand and red-painted nails during sex. She noticed it and asked me why I was looking at her hands. I say the red nails were doing something for me, but that she had beautiful hands to go with it... It wasn't until a week later, after a drinking binge, that I had a nervous breakdown when I realized her hands were veiny like my mom's. I talk to my mother at length about this these days, and it has helped me. I believe I didn't feel loved by her as a kid, and that generated a fear of female rejection, for one, and also a longing for a mother figure. That is my little secret there for you.

It also jumped at me that your mom dolled you up. Why do you think she did that?

 

My mom was always put down by my grandma in terms of looks. My grandma is a forgeiner from England and is very petite and proper. My mom was a hippie who was on the basketball team and joined the army after high school. She wanted to be a pilot but the airforce told her women couldn't be pilots. My grandma hated that she wasn't someone she could bake with and go shopping with. My grandma was also very depressed during my mom's childhoos because she missed the UK. When my grandpa was in Vietnam she dragged my mom and my uncles back and forth between england and the states. My grandma is a great grandmother but she wasn't a ver loving mother.
I think my mom wanted me to be everything she wasn't. She was devestated when I dropped out of cheer freshman year because I couldn't stand the other girls. Plus I am an only child and she had really high hopes for me.

I do date much older guys. Guys my own age get on my nerves a lot. The trivialities of their lives annoy me. I like to be taken care of. They know how to treat me, have enough experience to know how to act, care about society and aren't stuck in their own little world and for the most part are a lot calmer than guys in their twenties and early thirties. They have hobbies and interests. I prefer young-minded late thirty-somethings.

I date guys who are the oppositte of my dad though in looks, career choices, temperment. I don't like guys who are rowdy and loud. I seriously like the complete opposite but I do like them older because I am so unsetteled in life that I appreciatte somone who is.

How much older is she than you?

 

Oh and thanks

 

Bella, she was 47. I'm 29. So that was the greatest age-spread both of us had experienced. Plus our lifestyles are very different: she is rich and has a famous father. I am a bohemian student and tournament poolplayer.

Just minutes ago I deleted her from my cell phone. I called her yesterday a second time and she didn't pick up or return my call. Unless she calls me, which I'm almost sure won't happen, it was a one-night stand and that's that.


What is hurtful is that she didn't tell me that directly. There is nothing more demeaning than having to talk to an answering machine not knowing what's going on in the other person's mind. And getting false hopes. That, even though I told her the very first day that I'm ok with "no" for an answer. So long as she tells me, rather than treat me like a non-entity. I guess I too am done with fucking someone straight off the bat. Because this kind of situation tends to arise.

But there you go, I'm sorry this was your thread. But this bothers me a lot in my relationship with women. Indifference and not being allowed the opportunity to talk on level turns with women, are the most grueling things about women's role in society for me. And it happens all the fucking time...

 

First poster got it spot on. In cases like this its best to masturbate. If you suck at it, practise, look into it. It may be fun. And doesnt carry risks of hurt, sti's, pregnancy, emotional attachment by either party, empty and loveless sex, ultimately feeling worse not better...whoever wants just meat-movement body sex? Itd bore me, for one. Get your finger out, as they say!

 

HMmm , I cant understand people.

You wanna turn down good fun , becaause u might fall for someone.
And because George Bush's religious right says sex is evil... ?

( Im only playing).

Seriously , my view is have a bit of fun.
Sex and relationships , are /have been to me , 2 entirely different things.
And u know ? ive always been glad of that.

Go on have some fun.You might find it educational- and learn more about yourself.
! : )

 

Nah see i just cant understand the whole sex/love two entirely different things thing. Sorry. And i dont get sleeping with strangers or people you have no feelings for. Its empty and cold and incomplete. Not to mention the risk. And you can give YOURSELF the kinds of pleasures a horny person wants...so whats the point!?

 

I may be wrong, but something tells me your tune will change by age 30. Maybe not, but the threadstarter says she doesn't want a relationship, either so...she can't win.

Reducing your sex life (if you can call it that) to masturbation seems to me EXTREMELY mediocre and wimpy. Sorry.

On the other hand, I have also felt empty after one-night stands. I think it depends on my mood and what I'm looking for at any given moment.

 

I wholly advocate the art of forgetting.

If you tell yourself it didn't happen and really believe it, then who's to say that it did?

 

No need to apologize at all. I asked. I am sorry. Being hurt is no fun, especially when the person doesn't have the balls to be honest with you.
I know that personally I feel uncomftrable being forthright about my feelings with somone. So I think societies double standards pertaining to communication make it difficult for both sexes.

 

Exactly. This is really bad but I had an affair with my boss on and off for a year. I was with somone the majority of the time and used that as the reason for me not wanting a relationship with him. When my relationship ended I went up to spend a long weekend with him and learned the relationship didn't happen because I didn't want it to. The age difference bothered me too much to have a relationship.
At first I felt better because the reason my relationship ended was because my bf at the time cheated on me. I felt less scummy that I wasn't the only one. But when I came back from visiting my tis dude I felt like a total prostitute realizing that the reason I was having relations with him was because the sex was good and he had good taste and the reason he was having sex with me was because I was young and attractive-neither of us had the intent to fall in love with one another.
I came home after a great romantic weekend and just couldn't do it anymore. It's like being single and allowed to be in that relationship was the light I needed to see that my habits weren't good for my soul.
So while you may think my sex life is 'mediocore and wimpy' see it as conducive to improving my sense of self.