what was your "I might be a little gay." moment?

I don’t think I have ever had the thought “that I might be a little bit gay“. Granted, back in my later HS days almost 5 decades ago (yeah I’m old) young women were the cat’s meow. in the shower after gym class I never looked at guys. I just wanted to shower over with, get dressed and head home. Guys were just “gross“. Yeah they were fun to play around with in sports, goofing off, chilling. Back then in my limber youth, I could self suck. That was cool, but the contortions I had to get into ended up being more trouble than it was worth. Redirect! we had a good sized group of fellow high school neighbors that would hang out together, playing some backyard tackle football, going on bike rides, etc. And talk about girls! Thank goodness, my next-door neighbor buddy had a dad with a subscription to playboy, and he was loan me a magazine for a couple of nights self pleasure. Women were just so hot physically to fantasize about.
Then one warm summer night, I was hanging out with this same neighbor buddy out in the backyard, just goofing off. Apparently I did or said something that ticked him off. Out of the blue, he barked “ shut up, or suck my dick!” WHAT? Like an out of body experience, I said OK. He Just looked at me for a moment, I walked out behind the barn. I followed and found him with his pants down around his ankles, and a very hard cock jutting out from his body. The first hard cock I had ever seen. Cut, about the same length as mine, but somewhat thicker. I thought what the hell, went to my knees, and suck him off. Yeah, I swallowed. I was not thrilled with the taste…. so much different than my own…. but feeling him swell and spurt was something else. Unfortunately when he was spent, he pulled up his pants and went home, leading me quite frustrated. LSS, we started spending those nice warm nights out in my tent on the back 40, a small battery powered lantern, paging through girly magazines, and sucking each other off. Never once thought it was “ gay”, just a couple of buddies without girlfriends helping each other out. This went on and off for a year or two. no kissing, just sucking. Then we both got girlfriends, and that was the end of that.
FF many years, when me and my current wife were hooking up, she asked me if I had ever been with a guy. SH*T! I confessed to my previous experiences. Thank God she did not dump me. Eventually the idea seemed to turn her on. we started watching MMF porn, even gay porn, and then she started pegging me. Woohoo!
FF A bit more, And the Mrs. was getting her hair done at her usual salon, And I was running some errands and thought I would drop in. Nice place. When the Mrs. introduced me to the owner xxxxx, I went to shake his hand,. He just gave me a big hug. Nice looking dude. Anyway, when the Mrs. got home, she commented that the hairdresser owner said he thought I was hot. WTH? he suggested that I make an appointment with him to get a new haircut…. thought he could gay me up. So I did, and he did. And I did it again. a totally different look for conservative me. we started texting/sexting. One night I was out running errands, I knew where he lived, and I texted him, asking if I could stop by. Sure, so I stopped by briefly. Too briefly. I never thought kissing a guy would be anything I would consider. Holy SH*T! WOW! So different than kissing my wife. And he knew that I was his for the taking. Unfortunately I was short on time, and even though I wanted the entire experience, it was just making out with hands Roaming. His cock felt big under his shorts and I so wanted to suck him off. Never had a repeat because shortly after his other half came back into the picture, They eventually got Married, and that was the end of my hopes with him. The Mrs. doesn’t know about that brief encounter with xxxxx. Wife got in to pegging me, And with my new haircut, She started referring to her and the strap on by xxxxx’s name. His name. Woah! On her freaky nights, she would walk out of the bathroom wearing her strap on, and Comment that xxxxx needs sucking, Or bend over, xxxxx is going to fuck you! Kinky good times.
The Mrs Has shut down sex for the last few years. I could never hook up with another woman. Wife Would leave me in an instant and financially ruined me. A little female strange would not be worth it. But a dude? How would she feel?
Just a bit more and I’ll shut up. Where can I find a nice like-minded Married top bi guy in the same sexual situation? Friends first, But with added benefits. Go for motorcycle rides, play some golf and after a few on the 19th hole, head to one of our residences, and have some mutual afternoon fun. A couple times a month just to scratch our itches.

 

Lovnflman said, "Where can I find a nice like-minded Married top bi guy in the same sexual situation? Friends first, But with added benefits. Go for motorcycle rides, play some golf and after a few on the 19th hole, head to one of our residences, and have some mutual afternoon fun. A couple times a month just to scratch our itches."

That's the question we all have on the table that keeps going unanswered. I found that the "problem" with guys who turn to getting some dick when the pussy dried up was that (1) the moment you found a guy you really liked having sex with (2) the moment he gets some pussy, he's in the wind and now, (3) you gotta start the process all over again.

 

I know this from my 71 years on the planet that not one of the many women I have had a relationship with and especially the one I have lived with for the last 43 years would ever consent to me having a bi relationship even though, we no longer have sex. If I were to ask her if she would be comfortable with me having such a relationship I would be living on the streets or with friends if she hadn't already phoned around and told all of them and every family member. I would rather chance having discrete meetings.

 

Shame you are not in the UK I would love to play 18 holes with a regular bi partner.

 

Oh my gosh, your post just sparked a memory in me. As I've written countless times here, my gay desires (at least in adulthood) came into my consciousness after my first girlfriend of three years broke up with me for the third time. Or so I've always thought! But before that third break up, I moved from Ottawa where both of us were living to a different city a 4 hour drive away, in September 1992, in order to attend grad school after working for a couple years for the Canadian government. I was 30. And I remember that a cable guy came to install my cable TV in my apartment in this new city where the university was. I now remember having a flood of desire for him because he was so cute, but something more, like at the chemical level, I felt a powerful gut level attraction to him like I had never even felt for a woman before, it was visceral, and every cell in my body was screaming to say something to him to possibly initiate sex with him. I've never ever had such feelings for any guy in my adulthood. But I chickened out, and then kicked myself for days after. But then I totally repressed the whole experience and forgot about it until this moment. OMG!

It was 7 months later, Easter Sunday 1993, when my girlfriend visited me and broke up with me because she couldn't handle the long distance relationship (even though we had been talking marriage for quite some time). A few months later, in the middle of my 5 month road trip to try to get over my grief, powerful and overwhelming gay desires flooded into my mind with a major force, and they've never left me in the over 30 years since. So that, after all, on that road trip, was not the first time. It was with the cable guy! Oh my God! I'm totally floored. I still remember the feelings now that I had for him. I am actually feeling those same feelings right now, and they feel so utterly and purely gay and wonderful and joyful and truthful. It's not just gay desires for him, but actually feeling gay, homosexual, myself, and not bisexual, like a complete personality change. Wow! This was for a guy with all his clothes on, in an every day normal straight world situation. It wasn't about his cock. It was a powerful attraction to his entire body and person, an instant falling in lust, and more, with another man.

It took almost 30 years more for me to repeat it. In all that intervening time, it took nakedness for me to feel desire for another guy. It was only two or three years ago when I had my next visceral desire for a guy with all his clothes on, but that was in a gay men's social meetup. That was also more than a physical/sexual desire, but a romantic crush as well--my very first with a guy, which really solidified my recent identification as homosexual (mostly gay), instead of bisexual. But I wonder, had I spoken up to the cable guy, and he reciprocated, and we ended up having sex, how different my life could've been after that, how sooner I could've perhaps accepted my homosexuality. I wonder, was it my latent homosexuality from childhood that was tuning in to perhaps the "gay hormones" that he was projecting? Not having the courage and speaking up to him: was that the biggest mistake of my life?

 

I do very much remember having that "Am I really gay?" moment. I'd just finished a nice long session of making love to my wife and I'd left her taking a nap. I'm sitting in the living room and thinking about the fact that I had hookup with one of my male neighbors later on, which got me thinking about all the cock I'd sucked over the last week and that powerfully weird feeling kicked me in the guy and while I didn't ask it out loud, I heard the question in my head and it really shook me up. My thoughts were racing, thinking about the last month or so sucking dick and being sucked by a slew of guys and, as I would notice later, just skip over all of the sex I was having with my wife and several of our female neighbors.

It was disturbing and I had been sitting there on the verge of losing my shit for about maybe five minutes when I took in a deep breath and... smell my wife's pussy in my nose 'and my dick still had that "I just busted a nut" feeling and that's when it hit me that, um, no, I wasn't gay... but I sure felt like I was. This, by the way, was maybe a month before I met and fell in love with the guy who'd become my first ever boyfriend. I felt a mixture of relief and confusion because I couldn't deny that I'd gone on a major cocksucking spree and I had shaken my head to remember that I had the in a few hours - and there was no such thing of setting the hookup aside. To make the moment 'worse' the phone rang and when I answered it, it was my 'favorite' female neighbor asking me if I could come over and help her with 'something'.

My wife had awakened when the phone rang and I told her about the call and she smiled and said, "Go and don't forget to do me proud!" and I washed up, went across the hall and had a really nice time making love to the most beautiful woman in our apartment complex. As I'm with her, the "Am I really gay?" question is still echoing in my mind and I dismissed it because I was dick-deep in this woman and her pussy was clenching me as she orgasmed and, no, not gay. I didn't feel gay when I went downstairs to my hookup with one of the six guys in our complex who was down with the dick and even as I sucked his dick, I didn't feel gay and wouldn't feel that way until the night I realized that holy shit - I'm in love with another guy!

As much as I loved him, I didn't feel gay at all when interacting with him.

 

Two years after my wife passed I realized I hadn’t been with a woman in all of that time. I still consider myself bi, there have been a few women in my life but still very rare.

 

Way back when I'd found that sucking dick was a lot of fun and lost my mind doing it, I'd feel a little gay but I don't remember if it bothered me as much as the time (mentioned above) when thinking that I might be gay was one of those moments of crisis. I guess that, back then - and in those moments - I didn't really bother to examine how I was feeling except when a guy made me feel like shit after he got done using me. But I'd learn that the word that described and defined the way I was having sex with both guys and gals was "bisexual" and I probably also thought that if I'm bisexual, then I can't be homosexual... except when I'm doing something homosexual (heh, heh).

 

going down to Florida as a teen with my parents and being equally intrigued by a hot girl in a thong as I was by a hot guy in a thong!

 

One hungover Sunday morning in my early 20s the thought of sucking dick spontaneously came to mind...and to my surprise and shock it turned me on like nothing ever turned me on before! Post nut clarity brought a quick end to that. I felt so guilty and ashamed about ever thinking about it. It felt like I was letting myself get too permissive, and assumed this would never happen again. But guess what...in a few months it happened again...and kept happening! Each time I swore it would be the last, or at least I desperately wanted it to be the last, but at the same time I was enjoying the thought of being with a man. I knew there was absolutely nothing wrong with me liking guys but I just couldn't bring myself to give myself that permission. Well after several years and so many supportive people online the time in between grew shorter and the feelings of guilt and shame all but disappeared. Now I can say I really like guys and I want to have a busy, fun and friendly gay sex life!