What's amused you today? XD

Tories.

 

He has more guts than sense to offer to set up Jesus.

 

For the US

 

Just bought a new house. Damn it's been a Goodyear

 

As high as the Enterprise.

 

They Walk Among Us! And .......... they vote.

To get rid of his old fridge, a man put it in his front yard and hung a sign on it saying: 'Free to good home, you want it, you take it.' For three days the fridge sat there without anyone looking twice. He eventually decided that people were too mistrustful of this deal. He changed the sign to read: 'Fridge for sale £50.' The next day someone stole it!

They walk among us!

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One day I was walking down the beach with some friends when someone shouted.....

'Look at that dead bird!'

Someone looked up at the sky and said...'where?'

They walk among us!

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While looking at a house, my brother asked the Real Estate agent which direction was north because he didn't want the sun waking him up every morning.

She asked, 'Does the sun rise in the north?'

My brother explained that the sun rises in the east and has for some time.

She shook her head and said, 'Oh, I don't keep up with all that stuff......'

They Walk Among Us!

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Traffic Camera

A man was driving when he saw the flash of a traffic camera. He figured that his picture had been taken for exceeding the limit, even though he knew that he was not speeding. Just to be sure, he went around the block and passed the same spot, driving even more slowly, but again the camera flashed. Now he began to think that this was quite funny, so he drove even slower as he passed the area again, but the traffic camera again flashed. He tried a fourth time with the same result. He did this a fifth time and was now laughing when the camera flashed as he rolled past, this time at a snail's pace.

Two weeks later, he got five tickets in the mail for driving without a seat belt.

You can't fix stupid.

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My colleague and I were eating our lunch in our cafeteria, when we overheard an admin girl talking about the sunburn she got on her weekend drive to the beach. She drove down in a convertible, but said she 'didn't think she'd get sunburned because the car was moving'.

They Walk Among Us!

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My sister has a lifesaving tool in her car which is designed to cut through a seat belt if she gets trapped. She keeps it in the car's boot.

They Walk Among Us!

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I couldn't find my luggage at the airport baggage area and went to the lost luggage office and reported the loss. The woman there smiled and told me not to worry because she was a trained professional and said I was in good hands.

'Now,' she asked me, 'Has your plane arrived yet?'...

(I work with professionals like this.)

They Walk Among Us!

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While working at a pizza parlour I observed a man ordering a small pizza to go. He appeared to be alone and the cook asked him if he would like it cut into 4 pieces or 6. He thought about it for some time then said 'Just cut it into 4 pieces; I don't think I'm hungry enough to eat 6 pieces.

They Walk Among Us!

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Dumb as a box of Rocks

TRUE STORY :

A noted psychiatrist was a guest speaker at an academic function where Mitch McConnel happened to appear. Mr. McConnel took the opportunity to schmooze the good doctor a bit and asked him a question with which he was most at ease.

'Would you mind telling me, Doctor,' he asked, 'how you detect a mental deficiency in somebody who appears completely normal?'

'Nothing is easier,' he replied. 'You ask a simple question which anyone should answer with no trouble. If the person hesitates, that puts you on the track.'

'What sort of question?' asked McConnel.

Well, you might ask , 'Captain Cook made three trips around the world and died during one of them. Which one?''

McConnel thought a moment, and then said with a nervous laugh, 'You wouldn't happen to have another example would you? I must confess I don't know much about history.'

Sadly, they really do walk among us!

 

Thank you for sharing Vlad.

 

lol

 

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