What's Happening?

I'm an idiot! I have a big mouth! I wish i could just filter sometimes...I wish I could just get back in control of the situation with my friend. I really hope she stays my friend. :/ Can somebody like forgive me and tell me it'll all be alright??

 

Gave that like but not the forgiveness

 

i just a big meal and now, gotta rest and digest. playing pool in 4hrs 15mins

 

Pretty sure norma is dead but then I'm like...well maybe I missed something

Ohhh. 5 seconds later....most definitely dead.

 

I just had a very tremendous sad feeling sweep over me. Not too sure, just instant emotions. Unhappy. Depression.

 

How are you now, Irmi?

 

I need to take some nite-nite pills...I've got to be up early for the birth of that baby tomorrow.

 

Hmm I just did some chores, feel a little better I suppose. I just feel empty for some reason and not accomplished. I'm just resting now, i should be at the pool venue in an hour.

I think it;s just like for a Tuesday morning playing pool isn't normal, so it's thrown out my routine. Though I got nothing to do anyway, it's just thrown me I guess, I feel rattled. Whatever happenings is giving me mixed chemicals in my brain and making me feel sad about it.

 

no forgiveness for me?? awe! :/ (or was this it? idk!)

feel better dear! been there too. usually, in my case it's cuz i feel i screwed something up or that people wont keep up with my madness...so far, the worthwhile stick around and i feel better.
usually helps to get productive with something. i was knitting yesterday, something had put off for awhile,...still felt a bit not all there, but it helped to feel i did something, as insignificant as it seems, it IS something!

probably already asleep. maybe. well hopefully for you sake, no?
best wishes for the delivery! and you have a good visit.

 

I feel as if I have too many interests and no time for any of it. I can't find time to pick up a book. I half finish things I start. I'm just such a mess and all over the place.

 

you just pick one and do it! omg, i swear i was just going through this a week ago! good thing my life is pretty boring, i'm finally finishing one thing and starting the next (insert uncomfortable laughter...)...well, sorta. the former is still taking a lot of time and thought...but it's getting better.
also helps to have mindless things you enjoy and then more creative thinking things. Yesterdays was mindless because i wasnt inspired but needed something for ME. ya know?

 

Oh I know. This is just the highs and lows of bipolar in the life of Irminsul. I'll pull through. I gotta get ready soon to go out.

 

it's alright hun! forgive me, i feel i go thru "stuff" but i'm not diagnosed or take anything...argh, and this is where folks get offput but...just, i AM sensitive to this or i try to be and idk, for whatever i have, i have to give myself the words of advice even when i just want to shove them away or if it doesnt make sense at the time...yea i just know it will pass though. I'm just, i'm on my own journey and whatever i say on the subject is my way of understanding and trying to help you, me, whomever! ok, ill be quiet now.

take care!

 

I am diagnosed with bipolar but I refuse to take anything for it myself, like, I dunno, I just don't want to take something that's going to change me.

I hear stories from people they start or stop taking depression drugs etc. they lose interest in what they love, they don't love a person anymore, then they ruin their loves, come off the prescription and then again, don't like where they are for the past years. For the most part I really love what I have in life and I ain't taking a drug to change that, so I maintain that, if I'm feeling down then I'm down, if I am happy I am happy and if I'm a nutcase then so be it, but I'm not going to take something to alter who I am in that regard, so i tell the missus, fucken suck it up, or fuck off elsewhere. is how I am with it normally lol.

Anyway I am back and I got flogged as expected but I won two frames and got some encouragement from one of Europes top players. it was a good morning, I am changed mind. I'm happy again.

 

I had a dream about Glen. We were on a HF outing to the cinema. He was playing footsie with me in the aisle. I said "Cut it out will you!". I don't know what Glen looks like so my imagination replaced him with some economics guy I see on TV. Lol.

 

i don't think i ever had a HF dream. lol. I wonder how my mind would percieve y'all I don't know what y'all look like. Probably real people with avatar faces lol. like a dodgy meme. running around doing stuff.

 

WTF....???.... :yikes: ...................................



Cheers Glen.

 

um, don't take this wrong, but I'm kind of like in awe (in a good way) to read this. See, I mean, as I said, I have not been diagnosed, but I've felt and have questioned whether I've had bits of this throughout my life and well, family histories of ...can I just say "stuff" as I don't want to talk about others?...anyway, I was just reading another page about it, i mean, just as I convince others (well, maybe not, but words said so) that I probably don't have it, well then I come to find readings that actually DO make sense to what I observe personally.

anyway, hmm, yes, i agree with what you've put here. I've seen stuff too. And I don't want to take anything...I really don't have a problem when I'm with the people I chose to live with every day, but a recent group kinda coaxed this out of me; the good, the bad, the ugly...idk. But yes, it was a very familar feeling like when I was in school or at the university meeting different people. I shouldn't blame people, it's just, some you jive with and others you don't. You know? (catalysts) hmm...

*mind games*

 

derp! I forgot (how do i forget?? well, it's a relatively new diagnosis, but not so new that I'm constantly thinking about it anymore). I DO have hypothyroidism and do take prescription for this. It could be my lack of effort in taking it all the time that effects my mood, however, I'm generally pretty good with it and my levels have always checked out fine...

but yeah, so maybe that's all it is! But I do know people, like in real life and online, with this bipolar or various types of "mood disorders" (is that the correct term??)

ok, well damn! I should try to get some sleep. Insomnia?? or just a thirst for information?? yikes!! :yikes: hmm Zzzzz...

 

"don't take this the wrong way" and a big sentence usually ends different in my experience lol. Like, I didn't take anything the wrong way lol,