What's Happening???

She needs her ass whooped if she's talkin' to her ma that way

I done told you you were a great momma once Ms. Aeri. I don't typically repeat myself but I'll do it just for you. You are a great mother

 

Lot of love getting thrown around here.

What an intriguing, dysfunctional little group we have.

 

Haha, it seems we both used the word in a different way. Acknowledged
But where you are going wrong is the division part. I mean it when I say we're all on the bisexual spectrum in a way that we are all bisexual. One for a meaningless 1% perhaps (a raging homo- or heterosexual), others in the 90%. How is this more divisive than putting people in a hetero, homo or whatever corner?
'Nuh-uh, don't try to put me on the bisexual spectrum, I'm a hetero and you're a bisexual. And that other guy is gay.' See what I mean?

 

Its what they call tough love And its often just as useful than just dysfunctional!

 

I feel like the term tough love is a bit redundant and perhaps a tautology, but point taken.

 

Upon us all, upon us all a little rain must fall ( this is for you mate )

 

Yes but such division regardless of how it is made only serves to increase the separation between folks. Why feel the need to define oneself as gay, straight, bisexual, transsexual or whatever other sexual they have these days? We are human & our sexual orientation should not play any role in what that means.

 

Watching a disco cover band. Hate disco but they are ok. Playing the best of a shitty genre and doing it well.

 

Spoke too soon...they just started (I love the night life)

 

Thank you.

Thank you.


And is it ever raining here! It's just pouring and it is supposed to rain for days. Hubby and I are soaked from going to the grocery store. We are under a flash flood watch until Friday morning.

We were going to the hospital in the morning for hubby's brother-in-law's surgery but hubby's sister told us to stay home. The brother-in-law's lung cancer is back. He had the lower lobe of one lung removed about 5 years ago. Tomorrow, he will have the middle lobe of that lung removed. At least they know it is not the small cell cancer which is the most aggressive kind.

 

Writing poetry.

 

I'm feeling a bit pissy that was loioong day.

So I met that guy and he was cool we were pretty instant friends I punched him in the arm playfully and said "that's for putting me in the fence 2 months ago" and we just talked heaps before the pool and yeah like I said before same humour, same everything so it was like I'd known him all my life.

Then I played the pool and 1/3 but the one I won. God damn the leave I got on 8 was mm purrrfect soft side spin, I mean, it was a shot of beauty it would make a highlight reel and the best part was I didn't fluke it, it's exactly what I'd been training myself to do and I selected the key ball for the 8 and it was just beautiful. And then I royally fucked my last game so that's on me and then my team mate girl she couldn't believe I only win 4 games so far she's like but whenever I watch you, you shoot so well she said in a week or two I'm gonna come out firing. I agree.

And then after the pool my friends wife came and we chatted some more and then well we were tired and had to make the 3hr drive home so we left and now we just got back really. Team won so we are not bottom of ladder anymore.

And the captain and I were betting on horse racing and we didn't win anything. And he said he thought I knew about race horses and I said oh I totally do, but if I only bet on names so.. not today but as I saw none but any horse with the name Saxon in it, is always a good horse for me lol. Won a lot of money on the Saxons before.

And now I'm home and bit stumbling aground . Just gonna chill out for a bit and sober up.

The young guy behind the bar was giving me double aged Jim Beam blacks and they were so strong but he was giving me heaps with a splash of diet coke, so I was feeling good all night with that.

 

I'll warn upfront - this is a post about stuff between my daughter and myself. If you're not into it, just skip this one.

I slept a few hours and got up when my brain clicked back into drive.

I had to get my feelings off my chest so I wrote my daughter.

I had to make her see how I do love her.

Here's what I wrote. Please don't be critical right now. These are my feelings and they can't be anything but what they are. I can't have people judge me about them. Okay?



I never wanted to be “that” Mom – the one who was nosey and butting into your business. I never wanted to be bossy or intrusive. I never wanted to push myself on you or to guilt you into staying in contact with me every day.



I wanted to be the Mom that was there when you needed her. I wanted to be the Mom that you could come to when you needed something. Then, I ended up poor and unable to help you out and it became you who helped me out with money sometimes. I've felt like such a failure in that area.



I wanted to be the Mom who was invited into your days – not the one who pushed her way into them.



I became the Mom who often felt forgotten and left behind.



I've always been thrilled when you called me, or invited me. I've always felt extremely happy to be included in anything you were doing. I just never wanted to you to feel like you owed me any thing, or any time.



I didn't want to smother you. I didn't want to be a clingy Mom.



I just wanted to be your friend, on your terms, and in your time.



I'm sorry if you feel like I've ignored you. That wasn't my intention. I always assumed your lack of communication meant that you were busy with other people and I didn't want you to feel obligated to answer to me.



I love you and I've never stopped wanting to be included in your world.



I've never stopped praying for you to be happy and to have what you need.



I just wanted to be the Mom that you knew would be there when you wanted her to be.



I'm sorry that you feel like I don't care. That's never, ever been true.



I've cried every time somebody's hurt you. I cry every time you hurt yourself. I've cried every time you've moved across town from me. I'm sorry I didn't know that you needed to know.



I've never had a daughter before.



I've been a daughter and that taught me what kind of Mom I didn't want to be.



I'm sorry you feel like I failed you. I didn't know how to be what you wanted.


I ended by asking her what I could do to help her.

 

I see that my daughter has awoken and read what I wrote to her.

I don't need a response.

I just needed to reach out to her and to let her know that I do love her.

I cannot shake the memory of my neighbor losing her daughter to Postpartum Depression a little over a year ago. That young mother blew her head apart with a gun. I don't want to be that Mom.

I also cannot help thinking of another neighbor, my age, who passed away from Cancer a year ago. She left her daughter and grandchildren but they know how much she loved them.

I'm just feeling in crisis-mode right now and I'm hoping I can do something to save my daughter from herself.

 

I am sick and I am free for the rest of the day.

Wow I'll finally get to rest.

Alone.

 

^^^...Please Don't "Pass Away".....You Would Be Sorely Missed Here......



Cheers Glen.

 

I God I'm a good too busy writing an article I selected the wrong vehicle to drive in a race, so another guy has given me his second account which means om driving under the name of Trevor suchnsuch lol. We aren't telling anyone and I'm going to mess with a few people. it's a fun 1 year birthday race for us with different classes. Having 2 series on one track together trucks and cars lol.

I finished my article though

 

You have needed to rest!

 

^Yeah, I need a quick power nap.
And then coffee and then do some stuff around here.