What's the wackiest thing you had up your ass Ladies or Gentlemen ?

The handle of a snap-on ratchet. The cool smooth metal felt great.

 

Garden rake handle.

 

Garden rake handle.

 

Old joke.

I heard that John Wayne Bobbitt just got a new job as spokesman for Snap On Tools.

C/S,
Rev J

 

I was looking for the salt shaker one day an asked my roommate. He said he picked up a drink girl at a bar an was fucking her an he put it in her ass an lost his grip an it went all the way in he didn't tell her. I laughed an said right.
A couple of days later she showed up pissed she had to go to the hospital an they removed a salt shaker.
I was standing there with my mouth open it was true

 

An 18" dildo and 15" were in.

 

Screwdriver handle and a golf ball. Not at the same time obviously.lol

 

My husband.. If you knew him you'd get it.

 

The handle of a masons trawl and a 10" banana.

 

I had the mighty Ray dong and belive me it was huge too.

 

I worked in a restaurant in high school and one night the one girl I was with came downstairs she gave me a blowjob but stuck the end of a ketchup bottle up my ass and it was cold as hell but it enhanced the blowjob a lot

 

I really miss the Mighty Ray dong but I don't miss him.;

 

A carrot

 

I'm always looking for new things to try & nothing is out of the question, if it interests me & isn't too dangerous.

Things I've used so far....
Carrots
Potatoes
Apples
Grapes
Banana (but it squished too easily)
Soap bars
Ice cubes
Icicles
Brush handles
Plunger handle
Mag light (D-cell)
Electric toothbrush (inside a condom)
Shampoo bottles
Molasses bottle (2 3/4" diameter)
Beer bottles
Doorknobs
Softball bat (large end)
Golf balls
Trailer hitch ball (2 5/16")

But probably the wackiest ever was, I used to insert raw chicken eggs still in the shell & then push them back out.

Edit: After reading the other responses, I was inspired by Dragon 915 to try a rubber coated 3 1/2# dumbbell. I'm already stretched out enough that with a good amount of lube, I didn't have much trouble getting it in. I was surprised how it didn't feel at all like the weight of it was tugging to try to fall out. I was able to walk around & even jump up & down without it falling out.

 

-Golf balls in a condom - seeing how many I could get in
-carrots
-zucchini
-golf club handle
-trailer hitch ball - in a public parking lot at night
-screwdrivers
-handles a walk behind snow blower
-shampoo bottles
-bed posts
-hammer handles
-plunger handle
-door knobs
-fruits and veggies then ate them
-fruit smoothie and used a hose to drink it
-of course dildos and vibrators
-pepper shaker
-garden hose for a super cold enema
-baseball bat. Both ends
-orange traffic cones

I have probably forgotten something lol

 

A shower wand in a hotel, It was long and thin with curved edges and i had the warm water running. it was so great