when u hit rock bottom..

It doesn't matter what you do. You won't stop unless YOU'VE finally had enough. You don't reach that point, until you've relapsed several times. I used to do heroin. I know how bad it can get. I've been clean from smack for four years now. I was forced into rehab five and half years ago. I got clean, relapsed, got clean, relapsed, repeat, repeat. Becoming clean is totally possible, but you have to REALLY want it. You have to want something bigger than your addiction. So, it may take a while, but if you pick yourself back up, lick your wounds, and count the sober days, you'll see how important it is to you and how much more money you have in the bank and you'll be a more responsible person. The only thing I do now is smoke weed. There are no physical withdrawals from it. I can go to work stoned. I never miss a day of work. I pay all of my bills on time. I am supporting myself. I never do without. See? That's something to look forward to. I hope you get out while you're still alive. I've seen so many people who were too weak to escape their addictions. I hope you're stronger than that. Best of luck to you.

 

When i hit rock bottom was the time in my life where i quit my job to sell herion... Just to pay my house bills (or apartment bills lol) because i didnt feel like working (lazy) but all i wanted to do was sit around all day high on xanax and oxycotin

 

For what it's worth, I used opiates on and off (for years now) with no ill side effects to my health or lifestyle. It's no different then responsible use of another legal but potentially life destroying drug: alcohol.

"Addiction" is something beyond physical dependance. It's as much mental as physical. I firmly believe that people who get "hooked" into the addiction lifestyle were generally destined for some sort of breakdown in life. Society tends to see it as "certain drugs change people into this personality type we call 'addicts'." When really it's "already damaged people become 'addicts'."

OP, You're in a tough position, the only advice I can give is that opiate withdrawal has no potential to be fatal, assuming you are not also ceasing the use of other chemicals as well. Even stopping cold turkey, you will feel like garbage, but it can't kill you. That's step one. Step to is to ask yourself this one question and answer honestly: "Why was I using so often in the first place? Why didn't I have anything better to do?" That's you're core issue right there. It's not an easy answer.

Good luck either way.

 

really? i didn't actually know that, i thought that you could die when quitting high doses cold-turkey. i guess i learned something new today (assuming you're not completely wrong, lol).

 

I was so damn into opiates I robbed a drug store and tried to stab the federal officer who tried to arrest me. I served months and have been on a tight bail since. I'm still looking at a MINIMUM of 2 years plus a day in a federal penitentiary. I've been clean for a good while, and I've never felt better. Even the time I spent and that I'm looking it seems better then the time I spent in active addiction. Get in a program and count your blessings!

EDIT: I don't smoke dope, or do any other drugs but drink here and there, and smoke. Don't trade one addiction for another, whether its weed, booze, or nicotine.

 

You can't die from OPIOID withdrawal. You can die from withdrawal from alcohol, benzodiazepines, and barbiturates, however. Opioid w/d just is one of the nastiest feelings on earth so people try to avoid it at all costs especially if they have a job and they hide their addiction from work. They can't afford the time off to suffer through the eight days of being dope sick.

It says right in the Principles of Neuropsychopharmacology book i often reference on this site, that you can't die from opioid w/d. Of course, many opioid addicts are also benzo addicts.

 

Well at least it sounds like you learned your lesson albeit harshly. It is worth pointing out though, that using medication to help your addiction doesn't make you "less of a man" or whatever. Suboxone and Methadone have years of evidence that they reduce drug related crime like you bravely mentioned that you committed.

 

interesting. i must say that reading your posts on here has sparked an interest in learning more about the way drugs/chemicals act on our brains. any suggestions of a book for a beginner? (i have very little education in the sciences, and a couple first year courses in psychology).

 

I hate opioids. I hate em and take em. To me the concept of just "stopping" is BS. There has to be a catalyst of major proportion. My mind tell me I'm going to die - and then convinces me to buy the shit. If you can "just stop" you don't have the addiction gene. Without it you don't have a clue.

 

Interesting and informative thread. I have not had much experience with addiction,but the mother of my little grand daughter has had an addiction to oxy and I suppose other drugs that are similiar in effects and was kicked right out of our family after 10 years of problems. She's a liar,a thief and finally got caught stealing a wedding ring from her best friend-(that her dead husband had given her) and was then dealing with the law. She relapsed ,was found out and was sent to a re-hab,supposedly for 3 months. She's been in town now for 6 days with a supposed ear infection or some such, since her room mate went back east for a couple of weeks because he would definately not approve. We figure that even after losing her family,her beautiful little daughter and getting crossways with the law---she has quit the re-hab to get fucked up again with her room mate gone. Don't know for sure,but someone mentioned underlying psychological problems cause many/most addictions and in her case is very true. She had a shit life growing up and her mom is still a heavy pill-head,so heredity must play a role also. I'm thinking about calling her out today to find out if she's come back to Eugene to get pills and get high mainly because my son is letting her see her daughter because she loves and misses her mom. The things she has pulled would take 3 pages here,including kidnapping her daughter once and running off to another state,so I won't go into all of it. As a fellow human being,I'm sympathetic for her plight and condition,but I think that I'm right to worry about her being around the GD very much if she's not healthy of mind. Rest of the family hates her--I don't--I figure there has to be some good in her still and I have seen it before. This is perplexing to me and I guess I can't help her. She was lucky to be in Oregon because had she been in California, I believe she would be in prison. I really feel bad for you folks that addiction has grabbed and held. I can now see what can happen.

PS- the only " addiction" I AM familiar with is alcohol which I way over used and that made me a foolish and dangerous man until that first hit of L. It was psychological with me and I quit immediately for over 20 years and now can just have a beer or two occasionally with no danger to me or others.

 

Very few people have the capacity to empathy for opiate addicts as you do, scratcho. I have to say, reading your post was the first time in my 7 years of using interent forums that I felt my eyes become wet with tears. As a father of 2 and a nearly hopeless addict (though I am on Suboxone at present) I can sympathise with you, your grand daughter and her mother. I've never stolen or anything like that, in 8 years of severe dependency, but I have hurt family members and friends in the process of getting sick and trying to make the madness and pain go away. It's true, we are psychologically damaged for the most part, in so many different ways.

It is truly one of the worst situations to be in, and for everyone involved with the addict. I got emotional over your post because of the pain you and her family have to live through, but mostly because you are possibly the first person unfamiliar with opiate addiction firsthad that I've ever met who has actually cared about what an addict is going through. I cant express how that makes me feel. It is beautiful, to say the least, and raised my spirits. I wish you and your family all the best of luck and fortune, you at least, surely deserve it with the heart you have.

 

Well, thank you,magic. A lot of people just think folks that get strung out are useless pieces of shit that can quit any time they feel like quitting. I can see it differantly now. My grand daughter is one of the most beautiful,funny and smartest kids I have known--so for someone to endanger a relationship with her-her own mother no less, is almost beyond understanding. I was the last one in the family to stick up for her and of course I hope she can pull thru this life threatening addiction. My GD needs her and that is what is important in addition to just wishing for her to have a full and productive life. I really do wish the best for all of you that have posted here and I'm kind of glad that drugs were not a societal problem when I was a teen. Due to the emotional baggage I was saddled with as a youngin' ,I would have probably killed myself because my motto was -if a little is good more-much more-is better. I'm interested in what you -all think about how acid does or would affect those that are strung out on some of the drugs mentioned here.

Ps-it's dificult to feel too much empathy for the meth-heads that constantly steal shit around here. It's confusing sometimes. They look horrible.

 

I feel like I have more of a 'hook' to amphetamine than towards opioids although i am technically addicted to both. I just can't control my amphetamine use like I can with opioids. Even pre-Suboxone, I was able to ration out my opioid intake and stick with it. With my Vyvanse, I always run out three or four days early. I have gotten better lately after the hard decision to switch myself from Adderall IR to Vyvanse.

The reason I switched was because I was turning into a raving speed freak by crushing and insufflating line after line of Adderall. With Vyvanse, it is still dextroamphetamine but it is extended release and cannot be snorted. It is only active if taken orally. It was one of the best decisions i have ever made looking back, although seven months later, I still have frequent dreams of finding pieces of those blue 10mg Adderalls and insufflating them. One thing I really miss is the whole ritual and the rush both from the drug and from doing it in sneaky places like church bathrooms, people's parents' houses, etc.

 

I feel your pain, I just came from my rock bottom. I sold my car, and my mobile home, for dope. Now I live on my buddy's couch, but let me tell you suboxone has saved my life, I'm currently still on suboxone, and starting to get my shit back together. Stay strong if you need someone to talk to, I'm here friend.

 

@scratcho:

I understand what you are going through, albeit with a much different point of view. I grew up the child of a meth and free-base (cocaine) addict (my father, 20 of my 24 years of life, he's been clean the last four and still is thank goodness) and a pain pill addict (my mother, who hid it from me until recently and is now clean). I understand exactly how you feel about meth addicts, I could never trust my dad. He stole from me, picked fights with me, and was in a borderline meth-induced psychotic state 95% of the time, I was frightened to death of him at all times. Thank goodness my mother was there for me, but she had her problems too. For the longest time, I absolutely could not sympathise whatsoever with what he was going through. He has always loved me to death, he would do anything for me, but as a drug addict, he was incabable of caring for me or even showing any sort of positive emotion towards me. I know it really isn't my business, but I'm sure your daughter loves her child the same way my father loves me; with all her heart, but she is incabable of being a mother right now.

I know tough love is the only way for some people, but I truly believe love, sympathy, and help is what a lot of people need. I spent every waking moment with my dad when he was getting sober. After all the bullshit, mental abuse, and hell he put me through I still looked deep within my heart to do everything I could to help get him through it. I was there for him while he was up late moaning and screaming, pleading to get high, angry at the world, wishing he was dead. I told him I loved him for the very first time in my entire lifetime (being 20 years old, you can imagine how incredibly sad that is) and I would do anything for him. I think that pushed him towards actually getting clean, and he tells me every moment he gets how much he loves me and how me being there for him was the only way he got clean.

I don't know what you've been through with your daughter but maybe she needs that same unconditional love. I'm not trying to meddle with your affairs and I'm most certainly not a counselor, but hearing about a drug addict parent always strikes that chord in me that nearly brings me to tears. I truly and deeply wish things get better for you guys, I really do, and I have the utmost respect for you and sympathathise exactly with what you are going through.

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@Magic Rocks: I like you a lot and everything you have said in this thread. Props to you for coming out like you did, I really have no clue what that is like, but I'm damn sure it took tremendous courage to do so especially in the light that you had to say it to your children and the mother of your children. That commands a lot of respect from me.

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@The Thread Creator (I'm very sorry, I could not see nor remember your name due to the postion of the page I'm on)

As with many others on here, I too know exactly what you are going through. I was around a similar amount of pill usage as you give or take (200+ mg oxy XR, 50+ mg oxy IR, as well as whatever else I could get my hands on [Tramadol to Smack and everything in between]), I know how brutal the withdrawals are at that point, it's enough to make you do things you would never consider doing just to avoid going through them as you well know. Whether you've hit rock bottom or not does not matter one bit, what does matter is the fact that you are well aware of what the consequences of your addiction now are. If you continue your addiction, it goes without saying that things will most certainly get worse for you. Bigger debts, even worse relationships, incarceration, severe health problems (FUCKING DEATH BRO, to put it bluntly) or all of the above.

You really need to decide what you are going to do about it. My suggestion: You should bare your heart and soul to your family, tell them what you are going through, and if you are certain you're willing to change you will be completely honest about it. I NEEDED, I repeat, NEEDED to know someone cared about me when I made the decision to get clean. There was absolutely no chance of me getting clean and more importantly staying clean if I was going around thinking I was a piece of shit with all this guilt and shame with no one who cares about me. I honestly suggest rehab. If you are certain getting clean is the only option in your life at this point, the money shouldn't be a concern, after all you're getting much more for your money then pills could ever give.

Me personally? I quit cold turkey. In my misery a few days in, I ended up getting on Suboxone which I took for a while. I stopped that as well with a tapering, and shortly after got off benzo's as well. Just do whatever it takes WHATEVER IT TAKES! You are still in school, which means you at least have something to look forward to. I'm not going to start some "I had shit WAY worse!" bullshit, but I can at least say I didn't have that to look forward to. Whatever it is you decide to do, I wish you the best of luck and health. I'll be on here if you ever need an open-minded person to talk to or just to lend an ear if you need to vent.


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@Everyone

I apologize if I'm coming across as someone who is preaching/pushing sobriety (For those of you whom I've spoken to on here, you know that's not why I'm here), as I said, I'm no counselor. If you take opiates, cool and that's all good. I've been through so much in the last few years and many of you helped me a lot so the least I can do is return the support you guys gave me.

 

For the more recent posters, I'm sorry for your bad situations. I seem to remember being a dick earlier in the thread, and I stand by being a dick to OP, I agree with whoever said tough love.... not for everyone, but for a lot of addicts. I feel bad for them all, but at the same time feel massive contempt for many of them, depending on reasons and substances.

But to those of you with addictions that you're fighting, have you (and would you, please) considered psychedelics? The classic seratonergic ones for starters, but iboga/ibogaine is very promising for people with severe physical addictions, especially to opiates. For many (if not most) a sufficient dose of ibogaine is basically a miracle cure, if you're ready and do it willingly.

 

Scratcho I just read your post and it really touched me. I basically abandoned my kids at one point and left the responsibilities to others to do my job. My parents always supported me and would do anything to help me get clean even after all the lieing and stealing I did to them. They learned that tough love was what I needed and not to give me handouts or money. Ill say this the only way I was able to get clean was to make my own mind up and hit my rock bottom. I always loved my kids and wanted nothing more then to be the father they deserved but my addiction over road all of that. I was as sick as your granddaughters mother is and I no the pain shes in, it sucks and sometimes you think it will never end. Thanks to God today my children live with me and im a dad. I hope she can find her way. Your a good man and I wish your family nothing but the best.

RooRshack ive heard a little about ibogain but honestly dont no alot about it. It does sound like a interesting 'cure' though. Id love to meet someone thats experienced it first hand. I can say suboxone saved my life, it allowed me to mentally heal and learn how to live right. I like your post and im curious what others think of psycodelic methods as well? Good question RooR

 

Spicycat (I think it's one word?), a user here on the forums, has written at least one iboga trip report, though she was not using it to fight addiction. I seem to recall that it did (as it seems pretty impossible to avoid these effects) strongly motivate her to fix some aspects of her life.

 

Where did she write that report at here on hip? Ill search around for her id like to hear what she has to say about it, thanks.

 

RooR, WOW I just read her artical. Its under psycodelics and her names spelled Spicey cat 2 words. That was a amazing read if anybodys interested in hearing about iboga shes got a great story.