Why are we attracted to other people even when we've found our 'soul' mates?

I am not trying to force anything on anybody as far as those things or any other. The truth is in the mechanisms of the body. Evolution provides for us the relatively sensitive equipment of pleasure and pain for evolution's purpose. Hunger and the sense of delight at feeding that hunger are essential motivations for evolutionary upkeep.

 

we also have a brain to think with

 

This reminds of the part in Good Will Hunting when Robin Williams talks about how his wife would let the most terrible farts in her sleep, but it didn't bother him. That's when you know the relationship is beyond lust. You can look at someone with a pale face and snot running down their nose, but all you see is their personality and it's beautiful.

 

exactly....
love is a many splendored thing.....lol

 

And the mind is the breath's communication with the body.
What happens when a particular soul mate dies, does your satisfied sense of spirit die with them? Life survives by changing form. Love believes in all things and hopes for all things. This is the question that is answered in the saying there are no marriages in heaven.

 

did i ever say there was

 

Not at all. I am making comparisons through abstract channels, that is speaking to everyone that is listening even though your comments trigger the associations. I don't know who they are exactly.

 

no, i guess not

I must have some pretty powerful brain power to make that a reality for you

 

I keep an open mind.

 

you really buy that?

the correct interpretation of such a 'reasoning' is that females have this idealized albeit far-removed-from-reality view on love that, once you love someone it means you stop wanting others and stop finding other people attractive, and that you only find your partner sexually attractive anymore. which of course is bullshit. no human being can turn off finding the sight/company of an attractive individual of the desired sex attractive. women claim this but they are either lying or completely delusional.

this is a different point altogether. people have this backwards. it doesn't really mean you don't love the person you cheat on, you can absolutely love a person and still sleep with someone else. but, it does reflect on your character. it spells that you are not that stable, can't commit, and one person is not enough sexually. the circumstances under which you cheat also mean a lot. if it's a regular sort of thing, then you are not the type of person for a sexually monogamous relationship. if it happens that one time you connect with someone and your physical urges get the best of you, that's a little different story. but yeah, having sex on the side doesn't reflect on your feelings for your partner. it just reflects on your own core character. and whether the person you're in relationship with is willing to live with that, that is up to them.

 

nevermind

 

We are attracted to other people because we are married....not dead. Yes, this happens to women too, not just men. I've been married to my husband for almost 15 years. He's the only man I want to be married to but there are definitely other men that I find myself attracted to. It says nothing about how I feel about my husband. I think its a natural thing. I know there are women that he is attracted to also.

The problem lies when you act upon those feelings if it isn't something you and your spouse have agreed on. I do not have an open marriage so no matter how attracted I am to someone, I would never act on it. Cheating on my husband is not something I would ever do regardless of attraction to someone else.

I guarantee you, no matter how prim and proper your wife is, she has been attracted to or has thought about another man. She just may not be comfortable talking to you about it but I assure you...it's happened. It's human nature.

 

That's what my wife thinks and it seems many other women.

I like how you explain it. Of course I don't love every woman that I have lustful feelings for.

But the reverse of this is that men have to accept that their wives/girlfriends can/do lust over other men and that doesn't mean they are in love with those men. Also, if their wives urges should ever get the best of them, then they are not called sluts and other names and the husband is not screaming divorce, blah, blah, blah.

 

Thanks Ruby for your authentic feedback.

What worries me is I sense she thinks it's wrong to feel something (sexual attraction, admiration, etc.) about another male person other than me.

If you had a really distractive intense crush on another person, is this something you would discuss with you husband. If he had this type of crush, would you be happy if he shared it with you or discussed it with you?

 

This reply was meant for meridianwest.

 

yeah well, women are very hypocritical on that subject. when a guy cheats or does something else disagreeable to them, he's immediately a jerk, doesn't care about her, doesn't love her, etc.

but when a woman does analogous things and the guy takes it up with her he still ends up being the jerk one. out come all the excuses, maybe he even pushed her to cheat. lols.

women are irrational like that. i understand your problem but i have no solutions. just ignore their bullshit.

 

A soul mate isn't just "beautiful legs and butt to die for." A soul mate isn't just physical. This isn't your soul mate if you're lusting after other people. If you've found your soul mate then you'd only want to be with them because they complete you wholly.

 

Interesting. Your take on this issue.

But I don't see myself living the rest of my life with anyone else but my wife. So, unfortunately for me and my soul mate, wherever she is, we'll never be together.

About my wife, it's definitely not just about her physical appearance. I love her deeply. Thinking about it, there's only one thing I feel we are not compatible in and that's her fear of taking risk. Here I'm talking risk in financial terms. I'm entrepreneurially inclined and that scares her very much.

 

Nice question - yes a question for both male and female.
many women thinks that the world is come to an end after marriage .
some women thinks that bed room is the worst place to look beautiful.
some women thinks that getting dressed and looking good is for other men to admire but who cares what the husband thinks. All these cause problems in men - so they peep at other women....................lol

 

No. Gender roles are culturally constructed. There are societies where the women cheat on their husbands routinely and the men avoid sex at all costs. In some societies, sperm is seen as a life force that can't be drained by sex, so the men hate sex and wait until they are much older to give it up, when it's time to pass their genes on to the next generation.

Again, gender roles are culturally constructed. In industrial societies, men are encouraged to be horn dogs who spread the seed and women are forced to with hold sex or be slut shamed.

Read Neo-Liberal Genetics by anthropologist Susan McKinnon. It exposes evolutionary psychology and this type of male chauvinist thinking as bad science.