Why Dissolve?

yes that's my problem. I think I try to analzye and understand everything, which can make me feel a little insane sometimes.
I always get a little insight, and then go through this whole chain of mind tricks and games to the point that I just WANT and think I NEED to identify. But like you said, I really just need to observe more and think less I suppose. I always get these irrational thoughts though, and I attach to them so fast that I don't even know what happened. Like "What am I doing to my mind?" You probably know what I'm talking about. The fear grips me before I even have a chance. It's difficult..

 

Oh yeah, I totally know what you mean! But you know, this is a process. You've already caught the train, bro, there's nothing to do but ride it... and it's going fast... and it WILL get you to the destination. The paradox is that becoming comfortable with the ride and accepting it as it is IS the destination. lol!! Anyway, the analyzing always comes in. That's just the mind doing its thang. It's the thinking momentum playing itself out. See if you can just accept the mind doing what it does. Let the analysis be there. It's really OK that it's there. Let the fear grip you before you have a chance to respond, if that's what happens. Let the process be as it is. And if you can't "let it be" then accept even that.

It's almost like you decide... ACCEPTANCE ALWAYS, even during the un-acceptance. It's actually amazing how that works, almost miraculous. When you accept the unacceptable, when you allow WHATEVER there is to be there... all the mental noise and stuff and emotion and whatever... there's a strange sense of peace and space that you discover.

And it doesn't even matter what kind of noise is there either. This reminds me of a time I heard this woman talking about how she had a parakeet and then one day as she was looking at it she caught herself thinking "I could just strangle his little neck right now". And she kinda freaked herself out because she didn't know where that thought came from. She was like, "OMG.. how could I think such a thing?". And the truth is, the mind will come up with all sorts of weird and wacky thoughts... anything from the most hideous and bizarre, to loving and sweet, and all in between. The thing about it is... none of those thoughts is *you*. Recognize them as just thoughts. No identity there.

 

P.S. I gotta add something to the train analogy. It just came to me and I think it's really cool.

Ok, it's like this. We catch the train of awakening (by divine grace, I might add). Destination: Peace. Except during the ride we get to see all these movies: horror, drama, love stories, comedies, x-rated, you name it! And the sign in neon lights says that we won't reach our destination until there's no more reaction to what you see on the screen. So you have to watch the movies but you won't get to Peace until you ARE At Peace. LOL!!

God definitely has a sense of humor!!