Why would my boyfriend watch porn but not use it to get off?

If it's like hardcore porn, i dunno why a guy would watch it with out 'batin.
But I often watch late night cable "soft porn" just cuz I like the stories. Alien Sex Files is a pretty good show.
I know the acting is cheasy, but i think that's why I liked it.
Hell I LOVED Lesbian Vampire Slayers and never touched my penis once.

 

You know alot about your dad's penis then?

 

You wonder why he doesnt get nasty with you, and at the same time get annoyed that he always wants to jump to animal?

And your reaction if he pops on some tranny porn is going to be?

 

I like watching porn and reading (and occasionally writing) erotica, but I completely forbid myself from touching anything or jacking off. A few hours of that and I go insane.

Maybe it's something like that? Maybe he likes the build up of getting really super horny.

L_S

 

People do watch it just for entertainment. I went to a freinds house once and knocked on the door. He opened the door and rushed back to his chair saying hurry up, you're missing it.

Also there was his brother, and two other guys. It was hard core porn. I sat down and watched it with them. I felt strange watching it with other guys, myself.

His wife was in the kitchen cooking, and he asked her to bring beers. She did and then went back to the kitchen like nothing out of the ordinary was going on.

They were watching it like it was just another good movie. That was something new to me. The next time i went over, i gave him my collection. It was like xmas for him.

And he was an animal with his wife, always groping and grabbing her stuff.
I went over one morning and their daughter let me in, then she yelled that i was there at their bedroom door.

We sat down at the tv and they were in there grunting, and banging around like two apes in a box. Then the wife comes out with a robe on, hair all over the place, looking tore up and a little wobbly. He came out next looking wore out, and smiling.

Happy people. I admire them!

 

Some guys have a hard time reconciling thier sexual desires and fantasies with the women they love. They don't actually WANT you to be like the women in the films - they want the two realities to remain very seperate. So watching porn could very well be a necessary outlet and indulgence for your guy that simple CANNOT be combined or aligned with your bedroom antics. Hard not to take it this way - but it might not be about YOU at all.

But it also sounds like you two are communicating about this stuff as richly as you could. Again - might not be you - but getting to a place where you can openly and honestly talk about this stuff is both super helpful - but also super hard to achieve.

Hope it works out for you.

O

 

Nice first post Orod. Please stick around and make more.

 

I would never allow my bf to watch porn..
What the hell is that?..
Especially if hes just watching it and doesn't even listen to your needs in
bed..I think its time to reconcile this freedom on the computer that you give him.
Can you tell why do you find it right for your boyfriend to look at naked girls on
the computer???

 

This actually makes a LOT of sense. I can relate to this and I'm a chick. I have a fetish that I will never, ever share with anyone, much less my old man. It would just... I dunno, ruin it for me? Not to mention it's too embarrassing. So it is indeed something I need to keep separate from my actual love life.

 

WHOA!!!

Please forgive my vulgar frankness, but you are one controlling bitch.

Do you actually have a B/F?
Are you older than 14?
Have you been fed too many Family Values from my grandmother's generation?

Before you start dating or living with real men, you have to give up some of these ideations or you are destined to a life of either constant battle with your mate, constant being lied to by a sneaky mate, or no mate at all. Sorry, but that is how the world of MEN really works.

 

It's fun to watch things going into other things.

 

OK first of all chill the fuck out don't fucking be calling me a bitch because
you disagree with me.
second yea i do have a partner for a little over a year and yes Im way older
than 14.and yes I am with a REAL MAN obviously because he doesn't need that shit in the computer to keep him happy just seeing my body.
have some fucking respect and learn to approach some right,that you don't agree with.
idealizations?..
ha your the one that needs to give that up.
controlling?.
ha do you even fucking know me..
grandmas generation?

 

Actually from how you are talking you are a controlling bitch. Refering to him as "Your Man" is a dead give away as is "I would never ALLOW my bf to watch porn." What are you his fucking mother? What does he ever allow you to do? Also the phrase "The freedom on the computer that you give him." That attitude amazes me. If he's an adult you don't need fucking net nanny to make sure he doesn't cruise for porn. But wait you probably do. By the way your man is probably fantasizing about every woman he comes into contact with and putting their face on your body in the bedroom. All humans look at other humans either clothed or unclothed and find them attractive weather they're in a happy relationship or not.

Now what about you. Do you look at pictures of half naked men and dig on it? You know the perfectly airbrushed Adonisus that we are bombarded with everyday. In our heavily sexualized society we've learned that sex sells. Just from the way you talk it sounds like you have some serious self-esteem, and control issues. The words we use to express our thoughts tell us more about the people who are expressing them than the thoughts themselves.

By the way "Your Man" is probably sneaking porn.

Peace Out,
Rev J

 

just another dumb shit..talk to me when u grow some fucking balls
and find out what true love is.

 

I am enganged to a wonderful but imperfect woman. We have our ups and downs like any other couple. She is not "My Woman" I am not "Her Man" we are best friends. The first christmas we spent together I had food poisining and she stayed up with me for sixteen hours while I was puking and shitting making sure I was alright. Sometimes she gets manic and paranoid and gets convinced that I'm a cop and hate "Crazy People." Last week in a combination of mania and fever she spit in my face. Anyone else I would've knocked on their ass. I'm not perfect either. But I forgave her.

Yes she knows I watch porn. She watches with me. Sometimes she even picks it out. She has a Bachelors in Social Work and masters in Rehab Counceling. She probably knows more about mental health than you and I put together. We have seen each other at our best and at our worst and we accept each other as is. And there is no one else I would rather spend my life with exclusively.

There are agreed upon boundaries in our relationship. It never breaks down into She would never allow me to do this or I would never allow her to do that. That isn't true love. That is control. The unrealistic expectation you put on love is just a delusion of the ego that only leads you to a self created hell.

If you think that porn gives men unrealistic expectations of women I think that Chick Flicks give women unrealistic expectations of men. Do you honestly believe that your man never looks at other women and finds them attractive. If you do you need serious fucking help. Your view of love seems to be shaped by romance novels and womens magazines and has no basis in reality.

As for your infantile "talk to me when u (it's YOU, Y-O-U three fucking letters you lazy bitch) grow some fucking balls and find out what true love is." I probably know a lot better than you do.

Peace OUt,
Rev J

 

Lmao +1

I can imagine if he likes watching it, it is visually/mentally stimulating in one way or another. Maybe that's the difference between watching it and doing it. Maybe he doesn't necessarily want to do these freaky things but it has some sort of shock value to him? I don't know. Ask him. Ask him why, if he doesn't tell you, there's another place for another why. You just have to go straight in for the kill (total communication)

 

You're right and I was wrong to call you a bitch of any stripe, controlling or otherwise. I can't even say I yelled it at you in the heat of the moment because I typed it out and knew it was inflammatory as I wrote it and yet, I hit send.

However, I plead momentary emotional duress because I was so pissed at the whole concept of a woman thinking she had the right to control her partner's natural inclinations & desires down to the mental level. I highlighted the parts of your quote that really pushed my buttons.

I am a real man myself and had a loving relationship for 20 years with a real woman. She knew of my kinks going into our relationship, knew I liked porn and we even watched it together. Oh, I don't just watch the stuff, I write it and Brenda got the benefit of my Research & Development whenever I would write something and wonder "will that actually work?"

She never considered trying to prevent me from doing what I enjoyed and never considered it a threat to our relationship. Such is the benign nature of porn, just erotic mind wanderings usually to stimulate JO moments with guys (and girls alike). No cheating, nothing lost to the partner, just self-endulgence for some ME time.

After this all calms down, I would suggest you do some research in modern ideations on sexuality, including the general acceptance of porn, fantasy and even some of the more common kinks. You have expressed here some very archaic views on relationship and sexuality.

 

By the way your REAL MAN is probably getting his porn the old fashioned way. At the news stand or adult bookstore. Judgeing by the pictures in your profile you don't look much more than 19. I'm not going to tell you that means you can't be in love that just means you lack experience in love. The comments you make are based on stereotypes propogated by ignorance. Ignorance is cured by examination. So you've stated your opinions in a beligerant manner. Now you are shocked and surprised that you are responded to in a beligerant manner. That is the true definition of Karma. Let me suggest that you hang out in an Adult bookstore for an hour and just observe the variety of people who go in in a non-judgemental way. I once worked in a "Legit" video store with an adult movie room. I saw couples go in, I saw the stereotypical sleazy guys go in, I saw Frat Boys go in, I saw old men who had just lost their wives of 40 years go in.

Whether your man likes porn or not is not a reflection on you or your love. A healthy relationship is based on openness and honesty. By "Not Allowing" him to watch porn you are only encouraging him to keep secrets and be sneaky. Only after you lose a wonderful relationship due to your own behaviour will you realize that.

Peace OUt,
Rev J

 

I know better. I know exactly how inflammatory that word is to women, especially when a man hurls it at her.

I learned that from my father when I was a child. He and my mom argued often. She even had the habit of throwing things - put a cast-iron skillet thru the kitchen wall once.

Anyhow, one morning I heard the usual bickering in the other room when all of a sudden my mom's voice rose to audible.

WHAT DID YOU CALL ME??!!!

I heard my dad say, I called you a WITCH!

Now it is not nice to call your wife a witch, but my mom seemed to accept that lame fall-back that gave my dad wiggle room to retreat. It was that day that I learned you can call a woman almost anything except bitch.

(Well, I was young - hadn't yet discovered the devastating effect of ****.)

 

In the words of Sid Haig, "I call's 'em like I see's 'em." I've been up for 3 days with a fever and there were certain things in Sweetleaf's comments that pissed me off too. While I was in the tub I was talking to my fiancee and her response was "What a bitch."

One of the things I've learned is that love is about unconditional acceptance. Not what you "Allow" partners to do. I've learned that the "Allow" is surefire poison for a relationship. Then to be told I needed to grow a set of balls and learn what true love is just sent me over the edge.

My fiancee was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder 20 years ago long before I met her. A side effect of Seroquil is severe weight gain. She went from 120 to 250 lbs. I look at her and I honestly don't see 250 lbs. I see the woman I love. Medication doesn't take away the symptoms all the time. So she get's paranoid manic and accuses me of working with the cops and bugging the house and screams at the top of her lungs and act's crazy. Or she get's depressed and talks about how nobody loves her and she would be better off dead. I just accept it and wait for the episode to be over. Could you do that Sweetleaf?

I wish you could see the picture of us my mom took in front of the Asian Art Museum in SF and see how much we love each other. So I enjoy Porn. I obviously don't know what true love is.

Since I've been sick this is the first time in a while that I've been able to go three days with out coffee, beer or pot. I can usually go without one but not all three. I'm sweating profusely and am not generally the most attractive thing you've ever seen. But she took the time off from work to bring me food that my system can handle right now. But obviously since I still look at porn I don't know what real love is.

So what would you do if you caught your boyfriend looking at porn online..............
Know Justice,
Know Peace,
Know Love,
Rev J