Women and their games

I really think what others have said in this thread rings true....

If you continuously have a problem with women, the problem is you.

Not every man has problems with women. The majority of men I know have been at some point or are currently in healthy, settled relationships with very nice women.

Assholes (and plenty of good guys who just aren't seeking anything serious) may project confidence that helps them get laid, but genuinely nice guys end up in relationships. There are enough men in settled relationships to prove this. If women were as bad as you make them out to be, then wouldn't the majority of relationships be completely dysfunctional?

and have you ever considered that if you are dysfunctional when it comes to women, it causes you to seek out women who are equally dysfunctional in their relationships to men? It could very well be a self-perpetuating cycle.

 

^ i'm sure there's a fuckload of dysfunctional going on. I'd be willing to say I may have a lot of baggage, and this gets in the way.

But I would also have a lot less baggage if i wasn't given a myriad of reasons to feel insecure about being myself. The nice guy stigma, expectation of high-social skills, bullshitting confidense (any intellect will tell you the default state of a human is NOT confidence), all these dumb little things I feel like I have to do just to be on even foot with a woman...

who again, mind you, is required so much less.

Is that really a 'problem' with me or are these not true statements?

(I don't think you realize, or you're glossing over how much a man has to do to get you from point A to point B.)

At least tell me they're true as shit, and I'll work on my attitude despite them.

 

A man only problem?

 

you like big chicks then huh?lololol

 

yeah not all women are like this

 

yup. end of story.

 

:smilielol5:

Now that was fucking funny.

This thread got me thinking about my own personal woes, and I do blame myself for a lot of aspects of my failed relationships. But then again, I realize that they have all been with females who weren't serious about 'settling down'.

Part of the problem I have going on, and maybe some other guys in here can relate this to their own lives, is that I am genuine and caring guy with a big heart but somewhat of a rough exterior. I'm not sure if I developed this to protect myself, if it's just the way I am, or if I'm putting on a front without even realizing it. But basically what happens is I attract the girls who want a 'bad boy', and we will have fun for awhile then I realize we are not compatible emotionally or intellectually at all. So it doesn't last. The 'good girls' like the ones you might see in a bookstore or something, think I'm too wild and bad. It's a fucked up cycle.

For me the hard part is finding a long term partner.

 

I think we have established this already.

 

Don't worry about Odon, he doesn't like women anyway.

 

well for one, I would argue that confidence is at the heart of human progress. How could anything get accomplished unless people believed it could?

secondly, you don't have to do any of that. You choose to. It obviously isn't working for you, so why do you continue to bother? If you keep getting the wrong results then try a different technique.

Also, regarding confidence - do you want an insecure girl who is not happy with herself?

Why would a girl want that in you?

Confidence isn't some sleazy put-on to lure in the opposite sex. True confidence comes from being happy with yourself and knowing you can accomplish goals in life. Why would anyone in their right mind want to settle for less than that in a partner?

What does this mean? I don't want a man who feels like I'm just someone for whom he needs to monkey dance in order to steer me from one point to another. I'm more interested in someone who is interested in me.

Are you looking for a relationship? Or just sex? If you are looking for the latter, then what does being a nice guy have to do with anything?

 

One day, some of my poor behavior popped out. I was secretly dealing with some disappointment that had come my way from said-man. He has not/does not/probably will not ever take the initiative about getting together. He's not a "planner", admittedly so. The reason I want him to take initiative is because it reassures me I'm desirable and wanted. Given that he isn't providing me with reassurance, I get edgy. So back to the poor behavior: it was some unrelated unfair little jab. I immediately said to him, "I hate when I get this way". Maybe it's my maturity, or maybe because I really like him, or maybe because I'm striving to get off the merry go round, but I lightened up. The conversation slowly migrated to men/women topics with a more honest, calm, and constructive tone. All I know is that these bad habits are really hard to break. For both genders. And another big factor is just plain ol'fashioned TRUST. We all lack it, and we have to give it time to build, and we have to behave in a way that encourages each other to act trustworthy, and eventually that each of us truly believes it.

 

I was plenty fucking happy with myself until I kept finding out people are mistaking my kindness for weakness, my gentle character is great to befriend, but sex never enters the conversation, and that who am I as a person, barring some fucking Dr. Phill reborn moment - is the key reason I still can't seem to bag a girl I'm remotely attracted to.



You still don't get it. You still don't get it. You don't HAVE to take much (any) critical look at yourself, or create a confident aura around you for two people to join. You don't get rejected based on how well you've convinced yourself you're happy.


LOL you said it yourself -- you just pick and go along with someone who's already showing interest in you.


What the shit is their to argue then? Meanwhile OP is 32 years old and still struggling, and many other guys are mindfucking themselves to hell & back.


I could explain this in more detail to you, but it's lost on deaf ears. I'll just become "super happy confident nice guy gentle man, who creates his own rules" then all will be well.

 

It's not lost on me. I watch people, watch couples, and this shit is a joke. You do realize that people are most comfortable when things are light. Even one of my closest womanfriends accuses me that my serious talk is a turnoff. I accuse her that her avoidance, bantering, is not fulfilling. People don't like the pressure of trying to connect. I thrive on it. My own fake-husband even relishes in topics that are "safe" so that he can stay away from anything personal. Some of this is gender related, some humanity-related, and some just personality-related. Yet, I've found some intriguing, brave, and introspective wonderful people to put into my life.

 

I have the same problem. I always attract, and am attracted to, the wild chicks. But once they get through my rough exterior and realize that I'm actually a sensitive nice guy they lose interest. They want someone to be an asshole, whether they'll admit it or not, and I just don't have it in me. And just the same, the nice girls that I could probably have a successful long term relationship with think I'm too wild. I want a nice sane girl that likes to party. I know that their out there, I've met a few, but its hard to find that happy medium.

 

The catering is necessary to avoid the wrath. I watch that in marriages. I'm guilty myself of creating this dynamic. Hence, getting off the merry go round.

I'm told I'm courteous, and I like men that are courteous. I have to look at "courteous" coming from a man as JUST THAT. Although it would be easy to distrust that it is genuine, and instead think it is catering.

No matter the origin, and no matter the objective, a behavior is a behavior. If it's a good behavior, enjoy it. If it's a bad behavior, get away from it.

 

I think you misunderstood me. I meant - I'm interested in guys who are genuinely interested in ME....as in, I'm a person. I'm not a vagina. If a guy wants to look at me as a conquest or a goal, a way of getting from point a to point b, then I'm automatically not interested in them.

anywho, I think your problem goes beyond not getting laid or not finding a girlfriend. You said it yourself, you're not confident and you're not happy. You can blame it on the opposite sex all you want but I think your biggest problem is your own negativity. It seems like you have a chip on your shoulder and sorry but that is not an attractive quality. As much as I like pressed rat, he seems like a negative person as well.

and I know you'll come back and say its because you've been rejected for being a nice guy, blah blah blah. So it ends up being a chicken and an egg thing. Soooo I'll close this little discussion with you by saying good luck, mane.

 

Sorry but I never wrote i'm not confident or happy. I think I have more balls than a lot of people actually. Pretty positive person too. But these aren't sexual bragging points.

(I said it's hard to be those things, when the standards society measures you by are the complete opposite -- methinks you barely payed attention to my points).

It's not chicken or egg, moreso my style of egg does not sell at a high price. Should've been an asshole chicken. Better chances.

Calgirl you brought up some good points. Thanks for going beyond the shallow comeback that was Meliai's D but thx for the luck). Maybe I'll get to a response later in this thread..

 

You're welcome Kok. I always appreciate how you are really trying to figure this out.

Mind games is a pet peave. ANY kind of mind game. Including within my family circle, or workplace, or online, or friendships. In fact, just recently I told my tennis team captain that I won't try to get any leverage on the court with mind games.

Give Meliai some credit. On the surface, there are some frustrating things said about women. It's not abnormal to see reactions.

 

I don't see how what I'm saying is shallow. I've never seen you write anything but negative things regarding women. You obviously have a chip on your shoulder.

I don't know you so I can't say what repels women from you, but I can say that I see nice guys with girlfriends all the time so I really don't think the problem lies with women as a whole. Maybe it is the type of women you go for, or maybe it is something about you.