Would you

I never really gave it any thought till months after my wife passed away. Living in a new house, In a new state. And not really knowing anyone other then my " nest" door neighbors. With family hours away loneliness settles in fast. I was never one for the bar scene. So meeting someone took me to a dating site. I was looking for company not a relationship. But I soon found that to be a dream on my part. Everyone that I met was looking for a lot more. I did end up meeting some one But there were a bunch of mis-matches along the way. VERY MIS- MATCHES.

 

Have you ever tried looking her up mate? Maybe she's broken up with the next one she was with, and is having the same regrets you have

 

I could never see myself putting in the effort into another relationship that I have done so in mine now. I'm still a young woman at 32, but I have been with my woman for over half my life now. We grew in love naturally, and we grew up together so there's basically my whole life, in a sense of those crucial years of development, that I have shared and experienced with her. You don't get a second chance at doing that together when you're older, so we have a massive tight bond, inseparable.

I don't believe I'd ever fully recover if she passed on. I could see myself needing a companion, even an after love. But it would never be the same, I'd be missing something. The one thing I had all my life, her.

And if I did have to move on, the next person is going to have to respect that. I will be thinking of her daily. I will be putting roses on graves frequently. They'd need to have a good amount of understanding for my previous past years and they'd have to know that there's a realistic possibility that I may never love them the same way that I love/d her. It's actually really difficult to think about for me.

I also have no doubts that if the roles were reversed she would be much similar to me. She keeps her emotions in control, she's a strong headed woman, but I also see her lost without me for all the same reasons.

Tbh, I hope we go out together.

We made a pact when we were like 16. We didn't want to grow old, so we would suicide together when I turned 40. (She'd have to be old for 2 and a bit years)
Well, fucken 40ys old is only 8yrs away so scratch that idea. Maybe 60.

 

50s aren't bad.

I joke around about becoming a male whore if my wife passed before me, but I won't go through the trouble of getting into another relationship. I'll probably just fish, hike, and start smoking pot again.

Edit: maybe I'll hike of into the sunset, smoking pot and eating a fish sandwich.

 

I disagree that thinking about this issue in advance is stupid, but I also think one only needs to think about this in advance for unselfish reasons.

After the death of a spouse or S.O., a lot of people either don't look for new partners at all, or delay looking for an unnecessarily long period of time, because they feel like somehow it would be a betrayal of their lost partner.

I guess if I really loved someone, I'd want them to be happy. A brief period of celibacy would be respectful, but I'd want them to find someone new, if that's what would make them happy.

So I guess if someone knew that their lost love would want them to find someone new, it might make life easier for them.

 

I thought you were like mid 20s?

 

Don't I wish!

Nope, I'm in my 50s

 

And does the illustrious wifey know you spend the majority of the time hanging about in the swing club mister?

 

Lol, no!

I think she's ok with my looking, as long as I don't go messin' around. She'd be surprised to see me posting on this site though. I'm usually reading my kindle books, or hanging out on programming forums while she watches tv...I kinda bounce around. We are sitting on the same couch though, and chatting.

 

N'aww you sound so cute and grandpa.

To me chatting/forums isn't messing about.

 

True. Good point.
Not one of my most thoughtful responses.

 

@ what Irm and paura are talking about.. I don't think it's messing about so long as the idea of your partner reading what you say doesn't make you feel guilty, and so long as everything said you wouldn't be hurt by them saying. That's what I keep in mind anyway.

 

I forgive you

 

It is not spilled milk but Carpe Diem none the less.

 

you just have to get a shovel and dig thru the pile to find a good one

 

I mean I would wait a while. Longer than I would wait if it were just a break up. But I'm 28 now so if something happened tomorrow I'm not going to give up on love for the rest of my life. That would just be stupid.

 

After the knife thrower. ( that was a real eye opening moment. Scary as hell too ) I decided that to find someone was not going to happen. But then someone contacted me. We met in a public location and talked for hours. Our history's almost matched each others. From boy/ girl scouts. To losing our partners to cancer around the same time. To other items. We blended together very well. And are still together years later. It does take a while. But I now honestly feel that there is somebody out there for every one. It is just a rough, bumpy road to find that right person.

 

It's a tough one for me because not many people accept me past a certain point, and my partner does. I would imagine having attraction toward other people would still be possible, except nothing would ever be the same. At least I can be myself with my partner on the level that I'd never been with anyone else in the past. To have that kind of connection with someone else again? At my age? I'm a believer of love but even I find it a huge challenge.

 

Yeah.... That never happens.