Yes, They Still Exist.

So what you are saying is religious or not , you agree with me, yea thank you for that. thanks for putting it so colorfully.

 

1. Not everyone wants babies, can physically have babies, or whatever. I'm not sure that I ever will or want to. I can have just as sucessful of a marriage without children. I hate it when people think children are an assumed part of marriage... it's not required to have kids once your married, and now days, a lot of couples opt not to.

2. Even IF someone has children... there comes a point and time where the kid is going to end up going to school and what not, and there is no NEED to stay at home all day. That excuse only works for so long. If I ever have children, by the time they are off the diaper and bottle, and can walk and say their first word... I'm going back to work, and they can go by Grandma's or daycare while I work. I had to as a kid, and I never felt neglected or deprived.

 

"But I got out and am much older and wiser for the lessons learned. Twelve years later, I finally was able to admit how much abuse I was suffering at his hands. Thirteen years later, my best friend told me how she had seen him strike me (I still don't remember that, but do remember everything else that happened that day, and her description exactly fits the pattern of fights we were constantly having at the time when nobody was around). "

wow, you have had it pretty hard, i am so sorry that you had to learn it the hard way, but i guess some lessons in life are like that i guess.

 

I kind of agree with both of you (apples & jedi). I don't think saying vows in a CHURCH versus anywhere else should make a difference, but marriage shouldn't be taken as lightly as it often is these days (it's a "three-year commitment" right?). It is a promise to spend your lives together, and that shouldn't just be given up at the first sign of trouble. BUT this is a perfect illustration of why your search for a partner should be guided more by interests and values than by occupations and finances. If nothing else, think of it this way: People's occupations can change, as can their salaries. It usually takes a little more to alter the core values and beliefs a person holds to be true.

I guess looking at it in this light, I can see how the "husband-hunting" mentality can be good: Looking for a guy who is ONLY intersted in making money, when your only interest weems to be spending it. BUT the problem with this situation, coming from my own experience, is that "money people" tend to be materialistic people, and what's to stop a materialistic man from trading you in for a younger, prettier model once you've become the outdated fashion?

 

yea good luck with that... , come back after 20 or 30 or so years and talk to me little girl.

 

I'm not supporting being with a complete deadbeat or anything to that affect...

I'm just opposing the idea of finding it necessary to be spoiled rotten and not working for it.

Like I said, I want a guy that will work with me as a team... not just one way or the other.

 

I never said I wouldn't have kids, I said it's not essential. I can't predict whether or not I'm going to get pregnant...and I never said that couldn't possibly happen. But if I have the option not to, I probably won't.

My aunt and uncle never had children and are perfectly happy, and always have been. Believe it or not, married couples who have never had children, exist.

Yes, and don't call me little girl, or talk to me that way either, thank you. I really hate it when people underestimate me, or other people my age, simply because of our age.

I might not have had all the experience some of you have had, but I know what I want in life, and I have plans for myself, and I work daily towards those goals. I don't think you understand who I am, and what sort of person I am... so I'd rather you stop assuming that I don't know what I'm talking about simply because I'm just under 20.

And it's not a matter of being idealistic, it's a matter of being flexible. I have plans and plan Bs... I have goals, and I have common sense. I don't ever assume this or that won't happen, and I never say it will either. I don't pretend to know what my life has in store for me, but I do know what is important to me, and what will remain important to me, and what may change.

 

Okay, I'm noticing a pattern 'round here of 20ish y/o guys telling women their own age what they will and will not want in life. This discussion has happened before, and I'm sorry, but you CANNOT make the geeralization that EVERY woman just wants to make babies. It's untrue, sexist, and insulting! Just because you're a whole year older than Apples doesn't mean you know something about what she wants in life that she doesn't.

 

ha! thanks for pointing that out, I hadn't even realized he was 20... hahaha what the hell.

And probably not even a whole year older than me...I'll be 20 in 2 months

 

Excuseme Humblebee,
It has nothing to do with age, only with comments that make me think that she needs to grow up. How can she ever garauntee whether she will become pregnant or not unless she has some medical problem? You see, I don't even know what I will eat tomorrow, okay? more or less what I eat today for dinner, it could be pizza or it could be traditional indian dish or it could be a salad, I don't know... and that is something I can control, but to talk about not becoming pregnant in a relationship(that you may have in the future) is a little childish, because you have no control over that, you don't even know whether you will ever be in that relationship, but it makes sense that if you are in a relationship, that you may get pregnant, you MAY think about having this child because usually thats what many people do, that does not however mean that there are no married people who do not have children, thank you.

Also getting pregnant and having kids is natural result of a relationship like marriage, if you are going to be in a relationship , then you will have sex, and the natural result of sex is fertilization, therefore you will get pregnant, the issue of not having kids or what not...who cares, but to talk about what you will do, how you will be in the future is a little childish.

 

Conclusion:

To some, money is a big deal.

To others, not so much.

Some women want babies.

Some don't.

Some women HAVE babies.

Some don't.

Some women want to work.

Some women don't want to work.

Some don't even want to get married.

Hmm....

Maybe everyone's just different?!?!

*laughs*

 

And I agree that partners should TRY to support eachother to some extent. Maybe what I preach just doesn't work for anyone but us - some months I pull in a little more, and some months he does. He's the one with the day-job, but that's because he wants to be. If I ended up pregnant our entire lives would change, and yes, we'd both be pulling more slack. And I never meant to imply that SAHMs don't work. They work harder than most 9-5ers I've ever known. Equal weight doesn't neccessarily mean equal money. As we've all agreed already, there are more things in life than money...

 

Agreed. lol

 

Okay, shut up, because you didn't even read what I said, CLEARLY.

I never said I would NOT have kids, I said, at this point and time I didn't want kids... I clearly put an "IF" in my explanation, implying that YES, one day it's possible I might get pregnant.

And, did you ever hear of condoms? Birth control? Any of that? And don't even start to say that I must be immature enough to think that always works, and there are never any accidents or defects in the birth control methods... I'm pretty sure I realize that since I've been sexually active for some time now... but, did you ever think that for some people, birth control doesn't fail, and they don't get pregnant? It's not impossible. I'm not relying on those things to keep me from getting pregnant... but for some people it has worked.

I don't understand how the hell you can't grasp the fact that there are couples out there, that do not have kids, and will not have kids... whether it is because of a medical condition, or because they had surgery to AVOID having children, or because birth control has simply been good to them. YOU'RE assuming the way my life is going to turn out, more than I EVER implied about my own fucking life.

And exactly why did you state the medical condition theory as if it's near impossible as well? Did you know that I am actually going to the gyn pretty soon to be checked out for endo and ovarian cysts and the like?

You need to stop assuming you know how everyone's life is going to turn out, or that because a lot of people do this or that, that I'm going to.

You don't know me personally, so stop acting like you know exactly what conditions I live under, and what kind of person I am, my level of intelligence or maturity..etc.

If you think you understand exactly who I am from an hour worth of debate over the internet....

seriously.

If you can't carefully read my replies to you, and comprehend the words on the screen...then don't even talk to me.

 

Okay, I'm going to go out on a limb here, and take this thing to the next level. I have to say that ching is fo' da chode man. A little extreme I know, but I feel strongly about this.

 

some things need clearing up here:

To some, money is a big deal.

To others, not so much.
but
money is important for a marriage to work.



Some women want babies.

Some don't.

Some/most women HAVE babies
after their marriage.
Some maynot due to other problems.


Some women want to work.

Some women don't want to work.
Others have to work to meet their ends meet.
Others may not work to take care of their children.


Some don't even want to get married now,
but probably will get married unless they want to end up
lonely in the future.


Hmm....

Maybe everyone's just different?!?!

*laughs*

jedi laughs with you, every one is different, but everyone is also bound by some common ways of doing things that are ingrained in us as human beings living in today's society.

 

This is not about you at all, this is about your thinking, I don't care who you are, I don't care what you do or how intelligent you are, I don't even care if all this is coming from a woman or a man, but from discussing with you I can tell quite alot about your thinking, but anyway I think this is side tracking enough, and not getting us anywhere, nice chatting wth you though. Good luck with everything.
see ya!

 

Not really.

I'm not sure what kind of area you reside in, but around here, I have seen so many different people.... of all different ages, with all different lives.... and because things are changing so much, that common ground, isn't quite so common anymore.

Here are some of my observations:

My mother's best friend, Mindy... she's about 50 years old, has been with the same guy for probably 20 years or so, has never been married to him, never planned on being married to him, and never WILL marry him, because she doesn't believe in marriage. And, she has no children. And I highly doubt that her ideals are going to change now, in her 50's.

My aunt and uncle, married to each other for over 30 years. Never had children. My aunt is now over menopause and cannot have children, so again, they never will.

My other aunt, was married to my uncle for also around 30 years or more... [he recently passed] and they didn't have much money at all... Enough to live, and support their family, but not this sort of perfect white picket fence life, that some of these girls are painting in their heads for themselves... They were married when she was only 18, and he was 28--- they had 5 children together, and constantly struggled to feed them, but always made it. My uncle who recently passed became an alcoholic and developed cancer... My aunt never stopped loving him, or never once thought of leaving him because of it. On their last anniversary together, they both described each other as best friends, and soul mates....even through the shit, and the low income. My aunt also has always worked OVERtime, in a shoe factory, even though she had 5 kids. My uncle also worked full time.

My parents, my mom attempted to lead this traditional life... the most she ever worked was part time, 4 hours a day... my dad supported her financially all around for the most part, etc while she pretty much took care of me [picking me up from school, taking me to school, leaving work if I needed to be picked up from school because I was ill] and the house.... He built her a huge house, and she found someone else and left him... left him alone with the big house and thousands of dollars of credit card debt to pay himself.

When I look at those 4 different situations, and how different all four of them are, I don't think that it's safe to assume that everyone wants the same thing in the end, or that people are going to lead similar lives....etc.

But whatever. If you want to go through life thinking that, right on *thumbs up*

 

Lynsey, I don't think I was bashing women who want men with money. To each their own has always been my philosophy. I was just explaining why I chose not to be with Mr. Moneybags... didn't have everything to do with the money, but how it changed him, and how he spent it.

If you want someone with money, all the power in the world to ya.

 

exactly...

Marriage, not a big deal
most of us here are young and don't need to worry about finding someone we could spend our life with. We may want that, but we still have more than enough time to look around some, to be picky, to find someone who makes us happy and satisfies our needs.
Money, not a big deal either to me, as long as we're both happy. Enough for hte little things from time to time, renting movies or going out to a little cafe for some food, have a little fun.

Respect is the important one for me... to me, it's respectful to want to take care of your partner, to want to make him or her happy and if that takes $5 or $50, and you can afford it, I don't see the problem. But it might take no money either, it might be as simple as a phone call every other day. I want to take care of my partner too, I want to take us out to the movies from time to time, I want to pay for his birthday supper or what have you. When respect and caring are mutually shared, it's great