Your Birthday Reading

gotta cook dinner.

 

there's no such thing as dinner, thats just superstition:frown:

 

Holy shit that is spot on!

 

august 29

 

september 18, 1974

 

August, 17th, 1981 thanks

 

People born on your day compulsively attend social functions in the empty hope of attracting members of the opposite sex, yet are too socially inept to make the initial contact required. You like the smell of lube, donuts and horse manure, and the suffering of others makes you feel happy. You have an extreme fear of hospitals and chickens. Driving past hospitals and throwing eggs at them may alleviate some of the anxiety that can be attributed to hospitals and chickens.

 

I actually do hate hospitals and sometimes attend social functions IE: homecoming. Socially inept as well.

 

June 21 1983

 

People born on this day are addicted to public masturbation. You are conservative in your beliefs and spend most of your free time at the local country club because it provides respite from having to deal with the 'riff raff' of the outside world. Whilst maintaining an outspoken objection to drug use, you sometimes spend your time inhaling the odour of permanent markers in front of the television until you pass out. You attempt to avoid eating phallic shaped foods such as sausages and bananas, however you will begrudgingly consume such goods when offered.

 

this is great hah

 

August 30th

 

Those born on this date suffer from episodes of severe megalomania and narcissism. When at bars or restaurants you always request that your drink be served to you in a gold goblet adorned with diamonds. When your demands are not met you respond by sobbing and wailing uncontrollably until a gold goblet is delivered, or the nurses arrive. When having sex you ask that your partner refer to you as Jesus. You like attending random church services on your own and giggling during times of silent prayer. You only ever feel comfortable around children.

 

hahaaaaaaaaaaaaaa I love it. That's so right on. You need to open a storefront

 

People born on this day are painfully kind and empathetic human beings. You apologize for everything you do and then apologize when people tell you to stop apologizing. You never eat outside of your home for fear of offending a homeless person. You stare at the ground intently everywhere you walk because you are afraid of stepping on an ant. In the unfortunate incident that you do step on an ant, you write it down in a notebook and say a little prayer about it at church on sunday. Every 3 years or so you lose your mind, sacrifice a goat to satan and have unprotected sex with strangers for a few days, before returning to normal habits.

 

This is kinda weird. I haven't been addicted to public masturbation since my teens. And I don't particularly like eating bananas or sausages.

 

People born on this day are losers. You were put on this planet to serve as a benchmark on how not to act. When people look at you they feel a sense of satisfaction at the fact that they are not you.

 

People born on this day are prone to addiction to mundane things. You may find yourself re-arranging your work and social habits around so that you have half an hour of free time daily to watch Wheel of Fortune. You may become so addicted to Wheel of Fortune that you buy each edition of the board game and dedicate a shrine to the TV show, and decorate it with merchandise. In S & M situations you are frequently the dominant person and your confidence will benefit greatly from wearing a pair of high heels and standing on a man's penis. George Lucas' curly, Santa Claus like beard causes you to feel remarkably angry. Ironing your underpants before you put them on in the morning gives you great comfort and enables you to start the day with a bright and shiny aura.

 

LMAO
..the bolded part is actually painfully true.

 

totally wrong! GL's beard gives me a massive, uncontrollable erection.:coolgleamA:

wait! no....i mean.....






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:leaving: